Wednesday, April 29, 2009

More is Better

As we go into hubby's second week of unemployment, and the spring cleaning is finished and the home projects have dwindled either due to lack of money or lack of need; I have come to ponder a crucial point of relationships...

When a couple is dating, the thing that makes the relationship great is the amount of time they spend together. More is better. Talking, dining, dancing, going wherever together, hanging out, lovin'... More is better. You want more of each other. Your thoughts stray wistfully to the other person when you're apart. You surprise each other with a little gift or an unexpected call or some other Hallmark-moment-so-sweet-I'm-getting-a-cavity-you're-friends-can't-stand-you-now-cause-you-drip-honey-and-ooze-sex-OMG-I'm-gonna-cutsie-puke-if-y'all-don't-stop action that says how much you enjoy spending time together and how much you miss each other when you're apart. Yeah, fine, enjoy the fact that this person farts rainbows while it lasts.

Because, my dear, no matter who or when or how, eventually, their shit will stink like every other person on earth. Not amazingly, this is when most new couples break up. You no longer fart rainbows, and you don't go down on me every single time we have sex, and to quote Barbara and Neil ~ "You don't bring me flowers anymore". And here's another truth revealed for the unmarried masses; this is rarely brough about by a Jerry Springer reveal-type-moment. It is nearly never ended because someone is an alien or transexual or having an affair with the cat.

Usually it's brought about by just living life in the hum-drum of day to day life. Such as being wiped out after work and wanting to melt into the couch to watch something mindless and forget that you have a co-worker who's making you fantasize of many many ways to get away with murder in the age of CSI, and not wanting to have to come up with something intelligent to speak about to another person. Even if that person is someone you're in a relationship with. Or not having sex every single night you sleep in a bed together cause, here's a dose of reality, you're actually tired. Or taking the last of the *fill in the blank* without asking the other person if they want it. Or simply not feeling the 'I miss you' gnaw on your soul anymore each and every time you part. You may even forget to call the other person during the day cause you're busy.

If you manage to stay together throughout the mind-numbing-boredom-of-day-to-day-life where you budget and you grocery shop and you scrub toilets and you spend time together in silence, you may have what it takes to get married. It's possible. But realize this; when the glow of newness fades to the gray of 'normalcy', you too will have a more is better moment. Because the bottom line ~ the crucial point of relationships that I was pondering is this:

When you're dating, the quality of the relationship is equal to the amount of time you spend together, and more is better. When you've been married for a few years, the quality of the relationship becomes equal to the amount of time you spend apart, and again, more is better.



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11 comments:

Military Momz said...

How true! Love this post. My husband is in month 3 of being laid off and while I love him dearly, I cant find him a job, I cant negotiate play dates for him, etc.. LOL. I ended up making him a honeydo list today, which I have NEVER done before. LOL. He has been to the post office, to the bank, to the grocery store, in fact, just talked to him and he is buying fixings for tacos tonight that he is going to cook!

Aria said...

Military Momz ~ OK, now that's just not fair... how'd you get yours to COOK?!? The best I've managed in that dept is to mix the pancake batter and tell him that he had to cook it himself cause he didn't know how to make pancake batter (INSTANT ~ add water and mix till it becomes a pancake batter consistency...OMG!) Yeah.

Jersey Girl said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog. I'm adding yours to my reading list too!!

pehpot said...

oh this is truly amazing,well my hubby never did bring me flowers, not once, never ever, maybe that's his reason LOL

Cher said...

Great post. Just letting you know I dropped my EC and I reviewed you on Link Referral.

The Retired One said...

Ok. Don't hate me....
but I was there about 12 years ago. Then, we faced a crisis together, and ever since, my hubby and I are like when we were dating again. I actually prefer being with him all the time.
I just got back from a 5 day trip without him and we really missed each other when I was gone. We hold hands when we go anywhere and at night we snuggle up to each other and cuddle while watching TV. I really think the crisis made us so much closer.

The Retirement Chronicles

Aria said...

Jersey Girl ~ Hey Lady, we gotta stick together! Jersey Girls, best in the world. Yay us! Ok, can ya tell I'm a little homesick...?

Pehpot ~ I actually Do get flowers... On Valentine's Day. Once a year, but hey, that's a ton to a man, right?

Cher ~ Thanks for stopping by and commenting! Yay EC & LR... something had to work! My stats are goin' fast, and not in the good way which only happened after the original reworking in December. Hope to see you again soon.

And, last but not least, my Dear Retired One ~
You are the exception and I couldn't be happier for you! Sorry for the crisis, but at the same time, something good had to come out of it....
"It gave me frikin' hope!" (Robin Williams Scottish brogue...) :-D

Brittany said...

I agree. My husband is going back to work Monday. THANK HEAVENS!

texasholly said...

Ahhh! See you haven't figured out the renegotiation phase of marriage. The first 7 years my hubby was GONE all the time. Then he worked a normal job for awhile and we had to renegotiate life...then and NOW he works from home. Yep, we are both here day and night and oh, we HOME freaking school. It takes some serious negotiations but it will work out...if you don't kill each other first.

Aria said...

Brittany ~ Congrats to both you and your hubby!

texasholly ~ God bless you! I'm kinda just telling my hubby to go play with his friends (alone). Then the next day is job hunting (alone). So far so good.

Military Momz said...

I think it is his Tourette's (very mild case) but he has OCD with it, so you can eat off my floors, drink out of my toilets, and be blinded by the shine on my cars, not to mention the always fluffy carpet of a recently vacuumed home! Our roles have always been kind of reversed from the norm, I have always been the major breadwinner and he has always done the "wifely" duties, heck, he is even the one with the "headache" all the time, LOL. Just kidding!!!