More is Better

As we go into hubby's second week of unemployment, and the spring cleaning is finished and the home projects have dwindled either due to lack of money or lack of need; I have come to ponder a crucial point of relationships...

When a couple is dating, the thing that makes the relationship great is the amount of time they spend together. More is better. Talking, dining, dancing, going wherever together, hanging out, lovin'... More is better. You want more of each other. Your thoughts stray wistfully to the other person when you're apart. You surprise each other with a little gift or an unexpected call or some other Hallmark-moment-so-sweet-I'm-getting-a-cavity-you're-friends-can't-stand-you-now-cause-you-drip-honey-and-ooze-sex-OMG-I'm-gonna-cutsie-puke-if-y'all-don't-stop action that says how much you enjoy spending time together and how much you miss each other when you're apart. Yeah, fine, enjoy the fact that this person farts rainbows while it lasts.

Because, my dear, no matter who or when or how, eventually, their shit will stink like every other person on earth. Not amazingly, this is when most new couples break up. You no longer fart rainbows, and you don't go down on me every single time we have sex, and to quote Barbara and Neil ~ "You don't bring me flowers anymore". And here's another truth revealed for the unmarried masses; this is rarely brough about by a Jerry Springer reveal-type-moment. It is nearly never ended because someone is an alien or transexual or having an affair with the cat.

Usually it's brought about by just living life in the hum-drum of day to day life. Such as being wiped out after work and wanting to melt into the couch to watch something mindless and forget that you have a co-worker who's making you fantasize of many many ways to get away with murder in the age of CSI, and not wanting to have to come up with something intelligent to speak about to another person. Even if that person is someone you're in a relationship with. Or not having sex every single night you sleep in a bed together cause, here's a dose of reality, you're actually tired. Or taking the last of the *fill in the blank* without asking the other person if they want it. Or simply not feeling the 'I miss you' gnaw on your soul anymore each and every time you part. You may even forget to call the other person during the day cause you're busy.

If you manage to stay together throughout the mind-numbing-boredom-of-day-to-day-life where you budget and you grocery shop and you scrub toilets and you spend time together in silence, you may have what it takes to get married. It's possible. But realize this; when the glow of newness fades to the gray of 'normalcy', you too will have a more is better moment. Because the bottom line ~ the crucial point of relationships that I was pondering is this:

When you're dating, the quality of the relationship is equal to the amount of time you spend together, and more is better. When you've been married for a few years, the quality of the relationship becomes equal to the amount of time you spend apart, and again, more is better.