I decided to settle for Advil and aspirin, since morphine would require me robbing a hospital dispensary at gunpoint, and who has that kind of energy at such an early hour? So, after taking
Ninety minutes later, I was still awake and decided to give up the unattainable brass-ring of sleep. I got up to make coffee, took
I crept as quietly as... well, a mouse... into the kitchen, scaring the ObviouslyDiseaseRiddenCauseIt'sAMother BleepinRodentForShitSake mouse back around the entire length of the counter; weaving around the vase and the candlesticks, past the sponge I wash dishes with
I wait in the middle of the kitchen floor trying to decide what to do. I've had two and a half hours of sleep and I'm pre-coffee and in pain, but I am adrenaline-wide-ass-awake. After
So I move the crock pot.
And Mister Mousy takes this as his cue to run back up the counter, behind the blender, past the cooking utensil holder and possibly the toaster, but the trail has gone cold. What the hell do I do? My brain starts no-sleep-no-coffee-adrenaline-fueled thinking; I may have an inkling of where to find a mousetrap, but if I go get it and set it the little fucker will get away and the munchkin could find it when he wakes up and get hurt... I'll have to risk moving the utensil holder to extract the butcher's knife. I'll stab the offending intruder and once impaled on my butcher's knife, I'll fling the vanquished beast out to the
So I've got my game plan, and I make my move for the knife. No Mister Mousy behind the utensil holder ~ knife acquired without incident... Now I'm ready! I move the toaster quickly, half-expecting the little fucker to charge me. Instead I see the tail poking out from underneath the toaster
And he just stares at me like he's working the Jedi Mind Trick and I, big 'ole bad-ass with my butcher's knife that I am, am totally having a Mexican stand-off with a fucking mouse at not-even-8-o'clock-on-Sunday-morning. And somehow... some incredible are-you-kidding-me way, I find myself just watching, stock still, as Mister Mousy turns tail and runs back down the counter past the sponge that needs to be burned and candle sticks and the vase and disappears from view altogether.
And it's three hours later, and I
You're goin' down, Mister Jedi Mousy. I am Darth Aria.