Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Unfortunate Memory

I have what I like to call an 'unfortunate memory'. You see, my brain has a mind of it's own, and it's twisted.

I say this because, I'll be home by myself when I invariably realize (without any context whatsoever!) that whatever I'm doing very closely resembles whatever some chickie was doing when the killer jumped out and gutted her 5 ways from Sunday in some slasher flick that I saw 20+ years ago. And I won't just remember it, I'll remember it in full technicolor, wide screen, dts detail. This is why I refuse to watch horror flicks, because my brain is not kind.

I also will take 10 minutes squirming and positioning myself, my blanket, and my pillow until I am completely snuggled in and very comfortable before my brain reminds me that I didn't check to make sure the front door was locked, or that hubby has no iced tea or Gatorade made for his lunch tomorrow, or that the cat is still in the house. This is also the same brain that negated to register that the stereo was on and the car was still running the last time I locked my keys in it. But it won't let me fall asleep because there are too many vehicles driving past the house when I'm trying to knock off for the night.

This is the same brain that cannot manage a single solitary image during meditation visualization exercises, but will allow me to delve so deeply into an unplanned daydream that I forget the pasta is cooking until it comes out like mush.

I can quote movie lines from movies that I haven't even seen with total accuracy, but cannot remember one specific word that was the lynch pin of my thesis, or the name of hubby's cousin that I just met, actually liked, and am trying to carry on a conversation with. I can remember that my father's best man at the wedding to my mother was named John Walsh (no, not the guy from TV) even though I never met him, and my parents have been remarried to other people for over 2o years apiece. I cannot manage to forget a birthday be it for an ex-boyfriend or an ex-roommate, no matter how long it's been since I've seen them or on what terms we parted. I remember living in my first home as a kid quite vividly, and that we had a man deliver fresh vegetables around the neighborhood. His name was Sam and he drove a green panel truck--we left that house when I was 4! However, I can not remember to fill out my son's insurance paperwork until the day the final notice comes in. I can't tell you my bank balance even though I just closed the checkbook, and I may or may not remember to take something out of the freezer for dinner...but I've got 14 computer passwords in my head and I don't need to look up a single one. Oh yes, and every time I'm at a cashier waiting for my card authorization to complete, I hear the 'Jeopardy' theme in my head--every single time, even though I don't step foot in a store without verifying my balance first.

So you see, my brain does as it wishes and has a dark sense of humor. It laughs at the ease with which it leads me around. It will inevitably lead me to do something ridiculously, roll-your-eyes stupid; like later today when I'm cleaning house, I'll start mopping and realize that I forgot to sweep first... but, then again, as twisted as my brain is, I'm happy to have it. It's saved me repeatedly, works fairly well, and it keeps me from loosing my mind. That is, of course, until the next time I try to get on an elevator and flash on the scene from 'Dressed to Kill' or get in a pool and hear the 'Jaws' theme in my head. Did I mention the size and proliferation of spiders in the Texas countryside? Oh yeah, you got it... but don't say it, my brain will laugh like Renfield... cause it's twisted.


Tomas Karkalas said...

'unfortunate memory', we are the fellows in spite of the fact I am not a writer. But I too am writing with my Lithuanian-English dictionary in hand...
Could you help me to speak more English?

fiftypushing said...

Life's just too short, that's the problem. Perhaps our memories have independent lives of their own? Glad your memory has so much in common with my own!