Along the Same Lines...

Image by milesizz via FlickrWell, since the last time I was here, I had a little more experience with the whole non-friend friendship thing.

We went to Austin and saw a girlfriend of mine earlier in the week. She's only been in Texas for a few months, and over my school break I went to visit her alone. This time I brought the whole fam-damily.

Hubby was trepidacious. He can barely handle one California-Yankee woman let alone a pair of them plus family.

I got told as we pulled-up to their house that this was going to be a short visit.

Two hours later, he and my friend were talking and laughing and hubby announced that we would hang out until her hubby got home so mine could meet hers.

Boo hasn't gone a day without mentioning her or the Spongebob video she put on for him, and that he wants to go back. Every time he makes this announcement, he brings me his shoes to punctuate the fact that he means now.

This friend was one that I chose all those many years ago, and we still like each other, and we're still similar, and our families get along well. CHOSEN.

Then I get home, and to contrast, a friend that I had at another high school (I attended three in 4 years) was one that I fell into. She was a friend of my step-sister from grade school, and when my step-sister moved out, I moved-in and kind of took over the friendship.

I thought we were good friends, but I recently realized that I was always a little bit out of the group. She (friend 1 to keep the story straight) posted pics this week of another friend of mine (friend 2) with her, along with the other friend's group (friend 2's group).  Then Friend 1 posted pics of Friend 2's group members at Friend 1's parent's summer home.

I had been around long before Friend 2 and was a full-time friend for over a year.  Friend 2's group were once-in-a-while show-ups.

I never garnered an invite to the summer house. I wasn't in any of the pics that were being posted. I don't remember ever taking pics at all with Friend 1.

It hurt. I had considered Friend 1 and Friend 2 good friends. But I was totally outside the loop.

I pulled up my Wonder Woman Underoos and recognized the relationships for what they were; convenient... and no where near as 'deep' as I had thought at the time. I should have realized that when I was always the one initiating contact. Always the one making the first move of kindness or consideration or any other earmark of general friendship.

I was chasing them... a friendship stalker of sorts. Like Rose on Two and a Half Men. Tolerated, but not taken seriously in any frame of reference.

Sometimes you are awesome, just not awesome for that person or that group.

I told hubby about it and that I felt like a mallard trying to fit in with swans.

He responded that maybe they were the mallards.

Be still my heart.

I unfriended all of them.

Then I thought about my friend in Austin.

We are definitely the swans.

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Realizations

Image via WikipediaI've been coming to a lot of realizations lately.

Some of them after a lot of thought and consideration.

Some of them simply smack me in the skull while I'm washing dishes or playing Bejeweled Blitz; which mentally are the same thing~ a task to focus the surface mind while the inner mind can run free-range unchecked and give you answers you've been searching for... even if you didn't know you were searching for them.

Long ago and far away I would have smoked pot for that mental state.

I'm glad I finally found the upside to washing dishes... aside from a lack of insect & vermin and the ability to eat off of or drink out of whatever I want to without fear of contracting hepatitis or some other equally gnarly disease.

It almost makes me enjoy doing them now...Almost.

Yeah, not really.

Like last week when I realized why most marriages split up.

If you're in a relationship, envision this: If you were completely financially set, and for the rest of your natural born life you had on call for any time or place; a maid, a chef, a hooker (male or female), a nanny, and a nurse... would you still be with the person you are with?

The amount of time it takes to get to an answer is unimportant, but if the answer is, "No." then the relationship has an expiration date.

The one that hit me this morning was a little bit uncomfortable and less global.  Upon seeing pictures a friend posted on facebook, I came to the realization that this person never really liked 'me' but I was convenient and tolerable.

And I wondered how many friendships I've had like that over the years.  Where I really enjoyed someone's company and thought of them as a friend, but given the choice and other options, that person would have chosen to hang-out with someone else.

So while I can be cool with that person now, I definitely am not going to bend over backward to make contact, keep contact, or consider him or her in any of my decision making processes.

God called me for other things.  I have the personality I have for a reason and it's being put to good use elsewhere.  Expending my precious energy on this (or any) person who is a casual acquaintance at best, and who has no desire to deepen the relationship beyond that, is a waste.  And continuing to do it is a roadblock in my own personal advancement along my path.

Another revelation I came to when talking with my sister last night was how COMPLETELY GRATEFUL I am for unanswered prayers.


How different would my life, or yours for that matter, be if I had been given some of the things, or relationships, or the situations that I had asked for?

I shudder to think.  I thought about a few of them and scared myself so much I had nightmares!

OK, not really, but I should have.

So see, Bejeweled Blitz is a THERAPY TOOL, not a waste of time!

*shut up right now about the dishes, wiseass!*

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