Tuesday, November 30, 2010

It's Not a Tuuumor

I kinda looked like this, but with better teeth.
Well, I should be doing my schoolwork but I wanted to catch y'all up... you've been so patient, because from my perspective, that last post was lifetimes ago.

Holy cats y'all. I didn't go any further. I made a decision to come back to the little ole town Texas that I used to bitch about.

I got out there and realized I really missed this quiet little place.

I know y'all are thinking I went back to the ex...

But I did try like a begging dog and got shot down not. Instead, his ex-flame from forever ago was already there before I even wrote the last post, and they got married yesterday morning.

I went kazoo.

Even though I found out about it as I was leaving church, after helping out and being all kinds of Good Child of God and such.

It wasn't even remotely pretty. I went ghetto... and by ghetto I mean I went through that house like a tornado and removed everything I bought that I could fit into my pea-sized car. I took every thing from the bed except the mattress, up to and including my revenge pillows and poured water on the bed. I found her overnight bag in the bathroom and poured water in that when I removed the shower-head. Her computer was all set up where mine used to be and to keep myself from dousing that, I soaked the seat of the computer chair. Then I jerked the phone clean out of the wall and proceeded to forget the receiver. I was gonna take the microwave but it wouldn't fit in the back seat. I left the deep freeze and the front door wide open and jetted; shaking in adrenaline fury.

I had gone off the deep end and I knew it.

Then I went back to church and shook there in my favorite parking spot... for like two hours.

And I calmed down. And God showed me what I needed to see.

Total Ouch Hallelujah time! My behavior in the relationship and his behavior in the relationship and what I need to do now and how the only thing he could do to get me to back off was get married. I saw everything. I saw my three big hideous ugly behaviors that I have to work on. I saw the root causes of all my current problems.

I got it... and it healed me.

And I'm over it. And happy going forward. And happy for them. It was the frying pan to the skull that I absolutely needed to get off my dead slug ass and live.

So am I still broke, and jobless, and homeless. Yes, yes I am.  But I'm happy and looking forward and fixing it all one task, one day at a time.

And happy makes all the difference in the world.

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1 comment:

The Retired One said...

Oh. Honey.
I am happy you are gone from that poisonous relationship...and do NOT take all the blame...he was also awful to you...gave you absolutely NO respect....
But I am worried for you....
1. where are you living? is it safe?
2. Where is the little one? Do you have him?
3. Do you have some friends who can support you until you get on your feet?
Stay in touch and let me know where and how you are ok???? I want to help, but I am sooo far away!