|I kinda looked like this, but with better teeth.|
Holy cats y'all. I didn't go any further. I made a decision to come back to the little ole town Texas that I used to bitch about.
I got out there and realized I really missed this quiet little place.
I know y'all are thinking I went back to the ex...
But I did
I went kazoo.
Even though I found out about it as I was leaving church, after helping out and being all kinds of Good Child of God and such.
It wasn't even remotely pretty. I went ghetto... and by ghetto I mean I went through that house like a tornado and removed everything I bought that I could fit into my pea-sized car. I took every thing from the bed except the mattress, up to and including my revenge pillows and poured water on the bed. I found her overnight bag in the bathroom and poured water in that when I removed the shower-head. Her computer was all set up where mine used to be and to keep myself from dousing that, I soaked the seat of the computer chair. Then I jerked the phone clean out of the wall and proceeded to forget the receiver. I was gonna take the microwave but it wouldn't fit in the back seat. I left the deep freeze and the front door wide open and jetted; shaking in adrenaline fury.
I had gone off the deep end and I knew it.
Then I went back to church and shook there in my favorite parking spot... for like two hours.
And I calmed down. And God showed me what I needed to see.
Total Ouch Hallelujah time! My behavior in the relationship and his behavior in the relationship and what I need to do now and how the only thing he could do to get me to back off was get married. I saw everything. I saw my three big hideous ugly behaviors that I have to work on. I saw the root causes of all my current problems.
I got it... and it healed me.
And I'm over it. And happy going forward. And happy for them. It was the frying pan to the skull that I absolutely needed to get off my dead slug ass and live.
So am I still broke, and jobless, and homeless. Yes, yes I am. But I'm happy and looking forward and fixing it all one task, one day at a time.
And happy makes all the difference in the world.