Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Natural Causes (of pain and insanity)

Self Portrait As A Stressed-Out Bride To BeImage by BrittneyBush via Flickr
I'm pretty sure I'm dying.

Yesterday, I woke up after two overnight charley-horses.  The first one was in the middle of the night and struck my hamstrings; the second hit my calf just as I was getting out of bed.  So, I brilliantly decided that I needed potassium and took one along with my morning vitamins and Prilosec OTC.

Then I got to work busting my ass cleaning the house cause it looked like a ghetto shack, a tornado landed and did all it's damage inside my house, somewhere CPS would take children from, a disaster, and I also had to work on my 15-20 slide PowerPoint presentation for medical language class...

Which, btw, I thought I had a week to do.  Cause I'm logical like that I don't plan for shit nowhere in the syllabus that I read briefly the first week of class and have barely looked at since did it ever say that a rough draft of this presentation would be due on TUESDAY after a separate, completely different 12 slide PowerPoint presentation assignment that was due on Sunday.

I was a little stressed... I thought.

It turns out that I was a lot stressed.

So I went through the house like Mr Clean on crystal meth for about five hours straight.

My new House Beautiful came in, and I didn't even open the cover!  That's serious dedication yo!

When I was down to the last three or four two loads of dishes that were just cups I totally cleaned out all the coffee mugs and that's all that matters any damn way, and the last of the laundry was in the dryer never to be seen again, I stopped the housework and got to working on my presentation that I hadn't even started yet around 6 pm.

I worked on it for 5 hours straight.

I didn't notice that hubby was watching Avatar again are you fucking kidding me?!? or that the A/C was blowing dead on me as I collected pictures and their references to create my big-ass, 250 point, 20 slide presentation.

Until about 11:30.

When my right trapezoid muscle contracted...strongly.

For those of you without medical terminology under your belt, the muscle between my neck and the back of my shoulder knotted up so severely that I wanted to kill myself immediately cry and it felt like my arm would drop off my body.

I stopped the computer work and took two Tylenol cause we've been out of Advil for two months weeks and two more potassium because I figured that my shoulder locking up like a Brinks truck was an extension of the charley-horse thing I had in the morning.  After two more hours of pain, and a massage from hubby that didn't help at all and you're fucking hurting me you ham-handed Goliath, I said rub out the muscle, not pinch it together more *bleeeeeeeppp*!!! was very sweet of him to do, I went to bed.

A little side note here.  I got new pillows at Anna's cause they were cheap and because the old ones were completely collapsed, and because the first time I went to buy them, hubby told me, "No." so I decided that the collapsed pillows were the Antichrist and went back and bought the new pillows as soon as I had money in my hot little hand.  Except I bought king-sized pillows cause I'm an idiot and they're too big for the queen-sized bed, and they slide out from under my head and there is no way that I'm going to admit that I hate hate hate don't like the pillows cause they were a revenge purchase.

So when I woke up this morning, my head had slid off the pillow there's a fucking shocker *grumble* piece of shit pillows *grumble* and I was laying on my right side.  So now I have a crick in my neck and my left shoulder has locked up too cause it didn't want to be left out.

Did I mention that although I got the images and the general idea for the storyboard, I have about ten slides left to write.

Ten little scripts that include no less than 3 medical terms from each of the other 8 chapters and I need to incorporate a total of 45 (minimum) medical terms into the presentation, so that actually equates to 5 words apiece from each of the nine chapters.

And I've only had about 6 hours of sleep and now I can't remember if I took my vitamins and Prilosec and Tylenol and potassium with my first cup of coffee because I'm on my second cup.


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1 comment:

The Retired One said...

I am so sorry to be laughing hard at this post...I am NOT laughing at your emotional or physical pain...really, I am not...but it was dang hilarious...I love this..the old ranting Aria which I love, love, love!
BTW, I bet you knocked them on their a**es with your presentation!