Saturday, May 2, 2009

A Strike At Bullying *UPDATED*

** UPDATED** Please forgive me for needing to update my numbers, when I stopped ranting long enough to check my dates I was off by one decade, it is now correct... so again, please forgive me now, cause you might not after you read this... and remember, all things in moderation...

So I'm just trying to escape the pit that is my house cause I went on strike today. I'm not washing dishes or doing laundry or making the bed or cooking a damn thing. See, hubby thinks that he's on vacation. He thinks that I am the maid. He thinks that he can continue making a total disaster area out of places that I've just cleaned and eating all the brownies I made yesterday leaving me nothing but a dirty pan in the sink. I've had enough. Now that we're all home all of the time, we are all equally responsible for the day to day mess, and I'm not doing ALL of the cleanup alone any*bleepinbleepedybleepin*more.

I made my point clear to hubby, and so he's not speaking to me. With this in mind, I retreated to my hot & muggy, but safe (as in clean) haven ~ the computer room, to do some 'work'. I start dropping my EC's and I come across a new-to-me site called Ziggy's Blog where the latest post sparked me off and now I'm gonna sound off to you, my poor, poor readers...

The latest post is called Teen Trends - Bullying. We're all familiar with the subject. We've been hearing about it for a while, but this is the first time I've publicly sounded off on the subject... First of all, this topic pisses me off like crazy, but I also know that my view on the subject will piss people off as well. I don't care. You're getting my take on modern day bullying... and child rearing in general.

The article is excellent, and this is my exact comment that I left:

I remember the good ole days when official bullying went out by the time you hit high school... now it seems to wait till high school to start and it is WAY meaner and more harmful than what we went through. Also, may I say, that most teens these days are total hot-house-flowers from all the EVERYONE gets an award for participation and that kind of feel good over-kill. Bottom line, kids these days aren't used to rejection cause they didn't get it as youngsters so they can't handle being on the receiving end, but also, they don't understand how harmful they're being on the giving end cause they never endured it. Maybe if we go back to people NOT making the team. And only the best ones getting awards, kids would get a healthy dose of rejection while they're young and not want to propagate the negativity with behaviors like bullying... and the resulting suicides would stop too cause the kids are used to a little mild rejection & won't take this shit to heart. OK, so now I have to copy and paste this to my blog cause I've got a lot more to say.... BUT to be fair, I'm totally gonna linkback to you cause you sparked me off... Great day to you Ziggy!

And I do have a lot more to say. I am so so so sick of the general parenting mentality of those with children born in the 90's through today that I have canceled my subscriptions to every parenting magazine that I started getting when my son was born. I'm sick of us as a general populace of parents. We've turned out a generation of self-absorbed pussies.

You heard me. Whining, undisciplined, rude, keyboard obsessed heathens, and then those of us born prior to 1990 are left wondering why so much ugly has exploded within the world of the young. Cruelty, school shootings, cutting themselves, bullying and cyber bullying, and so on.

Parents, we have done this to ourselves by taking our own whining about our upbringings to extremes and making laws to stop the things we didn't like enduring as children. We've upset the natural order and now we're paying for it.

Maybe if we didn't give an award to everyone for just showing up, they would strive to do more than that. Maybe if we singled out those that really are good at whatever they're doing, others would respect their gifts. Maybe if kids were actually exposed to "normal" rejection as young children they wouldn't be so sensitive to abuse at the hands of their peers later, because they have experienced some before. They'd know that being rejected doesn't make them worthless enough to kill themselves. It's just the natural order. Some people are good at some things and others are good at other things. You didn't make the team. Get over it.

I think ability to reject others is a natural instinct that these bully-ers are trying to cultivate because they missed doing it as children. However, now they're older and more hormonal and meaner and they've seen Saw and Mean Girls and they're striving to be the best bully they can be. And some of them are getting brilliant at it. But honestly, as parents, is this what we want our kids to be great at; making others feel so lousy about themselves that they'd rather die than become better at something? It's bullshit, and we've done it to ourselves (those of us born between 1960-1989, I'm speaking to you. Even those of you without kids, I'm speaking to you. Just cause you don't have kids doesn't mean that you didn't just accept like lemmings the direction that modern day parenting has gone in just because you didn't propagate the species. Let me remind you, these horrible kids are the ones that will be in charge when we retire, and the way it's going, we're fucked.)

Same with hitting our kids. Honestly. Since when did giving your child a well deserved swat on the rump turn you into a parenting parriah? Probably since Lisa Steinberg was beaten to death in the 80's by her mom and step-dad. Now kids have no idea about pain and cause and effect. Time out's don't hurt. And no one's allowed to fall off the swings anymore. We've created a homogenized pain-free environment for our children. They have no idea that being kicked in the shins hurts cause they've NEVER EVER been kicked in the shins. So why not do it to someone else?

Again, it's bullshit. Most of us spent our childhoods getting our butt's beat for cutting school, or cussing, or talking back to our mothers or any number of things. And ya know what? You survived. And, you have a healthy respect for authority. And you probably think twice before you tear off an entire branch of a lilac bush so you can have the best smelling riding-stick-horse in the neighborhood... OK, maybe that one's just me, but c'mon. I'm not talking about child abuse with broken bones and burns. I'm talking about fucking up and getting a swat and an hour in your room sitting on your bed without the phone, and TV (and other gadgets like computers or cell phones or ipods) privileges; cause that's what they are ~ privileges!!!

Getting my butt beat sucked at the time, but I'll tell you what, I was never so disassociated from humanity and feelings and cause and effect that I would go all Columbine, or off myself. No matter how many kids ridiculed me, or teams I didn't make, or bad grades I got on my homework. I would also know that shooting someone would be wrong AND that they would not just pop back up because I hit the reset button. I would not get a higher score for head shots and I would be mortified if I left a trail of destruction in my wake. I may even know all this from an incident in grade school where I got kicked in the shins (which is ILLEGAL now and can get your 5 year old suspended from Kindegarten ~ I can not be the only one who finds this ridiculously over-protective and a product of pussified parenting.)

Alright, so now that I've alienated ALL of my Readers... have a nice day, and remember to give your kid a memorable swat on the butt for playing with the burners on the stove and smoking cigarettes in grade school. And, hey, if they suck at soccer, don't make them part of the team. Find out what they ARE good at and get them involved in that. Spend some time with your kid and act like a decent human being when you do it. It takes more time, your full attention and a tougher mindset to parent this way, but honestly, your kids, and society will thank you for it. Registered & Protected


The Retired One said...

Good advice at the end of your post.
Most of the parents with kids like that are also in therapy over something that they cannot "get over". And here they are, raising their own seed. It is scary!!

The Retirement Chronicles

Insanity Kim said...


I agree. Celebrating mediocrity and allowing our children this terrible sense of entitlement and parents/people in general losing their backbone for fear of who knows what has decimated the next generation's ability to rise above the garbage they have been fed and taught.

I totally get what you're saying.

Amen sister.

Hope things go better after your strike in the homefront!!

Military Momz said...

Add me in to the mix. I totally agree. I was spanked occasionally and I would NEVER say my parents or grandparents beat me. Also, you never heard of kids killing their parents back in the day. Kids had a HEALTHY respect for their parents. Now it is all ME, ME, ME. Like the kid who killed his dad over a video game!!! WHAT??????? Crazy! Take me back to the 70s & 80s any day. I spanked my children occasionally, sometimes gave a pop in the mouth, but I never BEAT them and I have the PROOF (letters they have recently written) to tell me I am the best mom and they love me and appreciate me! Oh yeah, found out I am going to be a Granny today! WOO HOO, my first grandchild, and yes I will spank him/her as needed. LOL I see some of these kids these days and I just cringe. Actually, when I was pregnant with my first child (1987), I was standing in line with my mom and saw this child of about 5 or so hitting and slapping her mom cause she wouldnt buy a toy and she said Just wait till I get you home! (The kid said this, LOL) I thought, WHAT? I dont think so.