Wednesday, May 6, 2009

My Twelve-Year-Old Husband

I have managed to marry another addict. Oh, no, no cops are going to come pounding on my door... no money is going to go missing... I don't have to wonder what my hubby is out doing and hoping my next phone call isn't the come-bail-me-out-of-jail kind...

But, the slack-jawed-bug-eyed-zoned-out look is one hundred percent the same. Hubby has reverted to escapism of the twelve-year-old variety. Video Games. And he's a wake-and-baker. He's shoving something in his mouth, smoking his first cig, and then plopping down on the couch with the wireless remote in his hands all ready to forget about anything except killing Nazi's.

And I'm ready to kill him.

I tried to have the conversation with him this morning, about how things have changed. About how he needs use his laser focus on his son which will forge a deep relationship that will last long after he returns to work. About how he needs to pitch in with the housework because it's a lot of work and I don't want to live in a ghetto shack. I didn't even bring up job-hunting because unemployment is about to kick in and with food-stamps, we can get by ~ by the skin of our teeth, but, ya know, such is life and we're not the only ones in this situation and hey, we'll manage until he gets back to work, I'm not gonna harp on him about the J.O.B... I was calm, rational and made excellent points. I even surprised myself with my own eloquence, because normally I'm not fantastic in verbal communications.

He agreed completely... and then went back to killing Nazi's.

I'm not going to lie and tell y'all that I kept my cool. That is when I promptly lost my ever loving mind and started screaming at him like a banshee on uppers. Why do I have to convince a grown man that work should be done first and then playtime can be enjoyed without 'have-to's' over your head. To my mind, you can't enjoy your day when you look around and all you can think is, "Jiminy-freakin'-Crickets this place is a pit!!!" In a clean environment, you can relax. Hell, you can even play video games.

You can have a wife that is happy despite economic difficulty and doesn't spit fire from her eye-sockets. You can use the kitchen sink cause it's empty instead of loaded full of every dish and bowl cause you can't re-use or wash anything. You can sleep in the bed cause it's got fresh sheets and has been vacuumed and Febreezed. You have clothes to wear cause laundry has been done. You can shower cause the hot water heater got turned on and there are towels and washcloths to use. You can walk across the living room floor because the playpen has been put away and there are no toys to step-on thereby making you limp for three days with a bruise on the sole of your foot. You can sit at the kitchen table because you actually wiped it up after you made whatever the hell this dried on crap is, and the cheese wrappers can go into the garbage cause the can isn't overflowing...

See, I guess I was under the misconception that after four full days of spring cleaning, whereby I engaged hubby's help in order to rearrange and weed out things that hadn't been used in three years; a cleaning which, by and large, made our little space breatheable and seem less cluttered and claustrophobic and somehow even a smidgen bigger, I thought that we'd like to keep it all clean-like and be respectful of ourselves considering the amount of work that had been done ~ Four. Days. Y'all, this was no small undertaking! ~ so we could enjoy the fruits of our labor in relative peace and harmony. I was wrong.

Because I'm married to a twelve year old who wants to spend his day playing video games and having Mommy-Wife clean up after him and cook his food and do his laundry and take care of the munchkin. These may have been what I took on as 'my duties' when he was working and I was home all day. At that point, we were a team and I was happy to do my part. But honestly, now that he's "checked out" am I a controlling-ass-psycho to expect some help around here?

Somehow, I don't think so. Then again, I'm pissed-off, so of course I'm right... and I'm not the only one, cause as I edit this, Hubby has started straightening up and helping out. At least I didn't get a sore throat for nothing... hopefully I won't have to lose my mind next time... That crap wears ya out!

...laundry is out of the dryer (on the bed)... garbage is out... Aaaannnndddd it's back to killing Nazi's. Deep breaths Aria. Deep. Breaths. Registered & Protected


Don Wendel said...

Hmm, 1st I did not know you let Dee guest post :)

2nd, Hubby is on a well deserved vacation!

"Whats that Dear? Yes Dear, I'm getting the trash out now...."

The Retired One said...

How frustrating for you! Since I have only been retired less than a year, I have heard a lot of (women especially) tell me there are adjustments to make, because roles change. You two are going through similar changes, only with the added stress of being unemployed and with a youngin' underfoot to worry about.
Keep taking those deep breaths.
The only thing that may help (and this is going to sound OCD) is to sit down with a list of the daily chores on some kind of chart and decide who will do what each day.
Being a 12 yr. old (him) you will have to stress that for harmony he should please do the list first and then if he wants to play video games the rest of the day, ok.
The nuturing of his son part may need more work, but at least you won't be living in chaos!
It would drive me nuts too.
I am lucky that my husband retired first...he actually learned to cook and clean and do the laundry and so when I got home from work,most of it was done. Now that I am retired, we share most of it. (Thank goodness!!)
Hang in there, you are in my thoughts. {{{hugs to you}}}