Friday, October 30, 2009

LMFAO Friday ~ Happy Birthday Josie Edition

Well, it's that time of year again... no, not Halloween, not daylight savings time, not official kickoff to the holiday season; it is, in fact, my daughter's birthday. Her ELEVENTH birthday to be exact. This is the part where I take a quick break to check for deepening crow's feet and notice that the number of grey's in my dirty-blond hair have grown exponentially... again. But enough about my being forced to admit my rapidly aging status and focus on my girl's rapidly aging status. 11 years old, 6th grade, talented and gifted program, still so beautiful and thoughtful and incredibly awesome that I'm still over here wondering how in the heck the universe decided that I was worthy of bringing her into the world. I love you Pea.



And for the rest of you who don't have a daughter named Josie with a birthday today, I'll say Happy LMFAO Friday and a great Halloween weekend to you; also, don't be a bonehead like me and remember to turn your clocks back sometime after 2 am on Sunday.




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We all know this picture was taken in a government building, right?



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The stock boy may have had some time left to his court-ordered anger management classes.



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I had to put Bessie up front, she's the one that knew where we were going.



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That'll stop 'em! (in Fantasy Land)



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I could insert any blond joke here, but I looked it up, and Blondie there is the class Valedictorian. Yeah.



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He's gotta have a foot long beard and two oxen (and a computer... Whoopsie!)



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That's a Texan nursery right there!



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I think the person who placed the ads may have been smoking the carnations.



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Whuutt?!?



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Tim didn't have to guess where the 'massage parlor' was.



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That's the computerized version of: "Buhwahahahahah!!! You want WHAT? Psht, Yeah, Skippy, THAT'LL happen! Not!"



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OMG Dude! Joey's going for the record! Chug! Chug! Chug!



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Replace the Jaden with Josie... even if there is a giant brown dildo on the cake.



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Tuesday, October 27, 2009

I Was A Cross Between Pretty Woman and A Compton Gang Member So We Went To Galveston

Richard Gere playing businessman Edward Lewis,...Image via Wikipedia

"He said he's taking the day off."

"He's taking the day off?!?"

"That's what he said. He's taking the day off."

Quotes from Pretty Woman, in case you've been under a rock or girlfriendless since the 90's.

As you may recall, in Pretty Woman Edward took the day off to play hooky with Vivianne.

I'm assuming that you feel a little like Phillip Stucky as I behaved like Edward Lewis yesterday. I took the day off and didn't update. So it was that on Monday morning you were still staring at LMFAO Friday.

I took the day off to bitch at my husband about neglecting to spend time with his wife. A point that wouldn't have been as effective to argue if I'd spent two hours putting a Monday morning post together. So I'm sorry you had to sacrifice, but I was saving my marriage.

Between his buddy moving in and my not going outside to smoke anymore I hardly see hubby lately... unless he's coming in to eat and make a disaster area of the house. Which had me feeling like a maid and wanting to yell shrilly at both of them until their ears and eyes started bleeding tell his friend, "This is MY man; Get Your OWN, you bleepbleepedybleep!!!" while I discretely got my knife ready cause I was going to have to cut the suckah.

So it was that hubby, munchkin and I, unprepared with a destination, camera or diaper bag, took an impromptu family road trip...

And wound up in Galveston. It's been over a year since Ike devastated the poor island and hubby was a little shell-shocked pointing out all of the places where things used to be.

It was my Yankee-ass first visit to Galveston, which is a shame because seeing it in post-natural-disaster-rebuilding mode is no way to meet a place.


It went from this:
Photobucket

in March 2007, to this:

Debris from Hurricane Ike lines the seawall Monday, Sept. 15, 2008 in Galveston, Texas. Pictures, Images and Photos

on September 15, 2008 to this:

Photobucket

They've done an amazing job cleaning up all the matchsticks that were restaurants and souvenir shops among other things, but the coastline is pretty much naked now.

The one hotel still standing majestically out on the water is actually condemned which you can see as you get closer...

Photobucket


I'm glad I hadn't seen Galveston before Ike, because I would have been heartbroken to see it now. As it was, it was sad seeing all the construction still going on.

Even if you can't argue with a remodeling project initiated by God.

For a much better photo-article of the destruction of Ike and the year later aftermath, GO HERE.



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Friday, October 23, 2009

LMFAO Friday ~ A Week Until Halloween Edition

Well, well, well, it is Friday again, isn't it? Pull up a coffee and a seat and welcome to the weekend, y'all ~ Happy LMFAO Friday!




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Rednecks take over the waterways...



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Yay! Grandpa kicked off!



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Well, you don't expect them to show a bunch of drunken, freshly-brawled guys in a pub do you?



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Holy Hell! This is so wrong on so many levels that I am actually speechless.



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Were they trying to get more male clientele?!?



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Whoopsie!



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Didn't this used to be called flashing? Just sayin'.



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Due to recent budget restrictions, some towns are looking at using power lines as highway dividers to save money.



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Oh great, now you know Microsoft is going to take this idea and institute it immediately.



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Within minutes of posting this picture on her profile, Ashley's facebook friend requests hit an all time high.



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The Dirt Merchant Association named this year's winner.



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The new 'official song' of the porn industry.



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Oh look, my next husband. I do love a man with crazy eyes!



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Little Timmy's parents claimed he was suicidal...



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Go Team!



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Hey Bob, can you turn on the heat?



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Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Machu Picchu Psycho

Peru, Machupicchu: Light on the pastImage by kool_skatkat via Flickr

Last night I was watching some PBS show about these mountain ranges. Don't ask me which ones, cause I honestly don't remember. The only reason that I brought it up is because they show these views from the mountain tops, and OK, I get that they're supposed to be beautiful and breath taking. But for me, they're just butt-puckering.

But wait, there's more to this story besides my involuntary Buns of Steel exercises. I have, for as long as I can remember, wanted to go to Machu Picchu.

Whenever they do a special on that place I get all intrigued and wished I had an up to date passport and a boatload of money for a plane ticket. Even the name just calls to me. Machu Picchu. I want to walk through the main square and marvel at the views from the Temple of the Sun and the see the residential area and climb the walls of the terraced area that scientific-type people think is where they grew their produce. Here'e the WTF thing though...

I hate heights.

And when I say hate, I mean like some people loose their limbs to frostbite from climbing Mt Everest, whereas I'd freely give my limb if that's what it would take to ensure that I'd never ever ever have to climb Everest.

And Machu Picchu is WAAAAAYYYY the fuck up there. In fact, that's why I chose the picture at the beginning of the post, so you could see by comparison the mountain PEAKS all around the site. Airplanes with tourists land below Machu Picchu. And the place is filled with incredibly steep stairs. I hate steep stairs almost as much as I hate heights!

Then there's the added part of me having a massive quasi-illogical fear of South America. It's illogical because as a free North American citizen, I don't have to travel to South America if I don't want to. It's logical in that blond-headed-blue-eyed people such as myself have a tendency to get kidnapped in South America so the natives can ransom us for ape-loads of money.

And yet, I still want to go to Machu Picchu whenever I hear that Bill Curtis voice over and see that incredible site. I forget that I detest heights and struggling to breathe in high altitude atmospheres let alone trying to climb and be all physical-endurance in that environment since I consider vacuuming the height of my weekly exercise. Even as Bill tells me that tourists are told to stay at a base town some ways down the mountain below Machu Picchu for up to a week before visiting the site itself so that they can get used to the thin air and not get full blown altitude sickness, I get all glassy-eyed in anticipation of going. I'm even sitting on my nice comfy couch thinking, that a misstep would kill you cause you could just keep rolling and tumbling, limbs all akimbo to your death as your screams echo off all of those Peruvian mountains.

But still I want to go. Not in that 'call the airlines' way, but in the Romeo misses Juliet longing like it's a lost lover way. I'm even being deliberately redundant so you know how strong AND how psycho the whole thing is.

Which means that reincarnation is totally real and I am a past life Inca trying to go home... or I'm completely loop-de-friggin'-mentally-ill-loo.

Personally, I've got twenty bucks on the mental illness angle.



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Sunday, October 18, 2009

Oh Garth, How Do I Love Thee...

The Ultimate Hits album coverImage via Wikipedia

In my past life, prior to the current Texan house mama existence I live now, I was quite changeable and went through many incarnations.

Well one of those long ago incarnations included a foray into country music. I can't claim to like much in that genre these days... yes, despite living in Texas. *eyeroll* Why do people automatically assume that southerners love country music? I knew WAY more country fans when I lived in California than I have yet to meet in Houston~ish. Seriously. I digress...

It's been years since I've been a little bit country, and even longer since I've watched Donny & Marie, oh wait, they're on DWTS now, anyway, the point I was getting at is that the only country artist that I ever bought was Garth Brooks... OK and Dolly Parton, but that was to get "I Will Always Love You" before Whitney made it the gargantuan crossover hit that it became. In that respect, I was ahead of my time.

But back to the only county artist I ever bought more than one album of, that being the juggernaut that was the Garth Brooks song catalog. I knew 'em all. Every lyric, every inflection every yee-haw and sly wink at the camera. I could sing any Garth song with or without accompanying backup from the man himself pouring out of the speakers. I was Garthian (which will absolutely be a word in the dictionary one day very soon).

So a while back, we were browsing during another of hubby's marathon music section perusals, and I found Garth Brooks ~ The Ultimate Collection three disc set. I've listened to it a few times since we got it, but hubby isn't big into country, so there's only so much he'll stand for coming out of his beloved sound system. I think he was afraid that if I listened too much to Garth, I'd revert to my country-lovin' self in our hard-rocking home.

Well, with the announcement this past week that Garth is coming out of retirement to do a show in Vegas, I decided, on this sleepless night to put some Garth on the computer so I can listen with some earphones to those long ago faves.

Dammit all if I didn't realize all over again WHY this man has sold more albums than any other solo artist in the history of... keeping track of that kind of thing. Hubby was right to be afraid. I've been sucked back in.

I love that I know all the words. The energy is electric in these songs! And the slow ones say all the sappy shit that as a woman, I'm dying to hear. I've been boppin' my head with the headphones on, bustin' out a line or two when I couldn't help myself and I'm enjoying finding some songs that must have come out after I lost my twang and buried my cowboy boots in the back of the closet.

Add some fresh brewed French roast and this is turning into a fantastic Sunday morning! Of course, hubby has already popped out to the living room to see where I disappeared to. I told him I was listening to Garth. He thought it was harmless and went back to bed. It's day one. By day three he may start to catch on. I'm finding myself re-hooked like a fish that was too stupid to pass by the second worm.

Hubby may realize he's been usurped when I get caught hitchhiking to Vegas. It could happen. Don't say I didn't warn y'all.


Dear Garth,

I wanna be your groupie. Do you take almost 40 year old fat women?

I'm not trying to wreck your marriage. Keep Tricia, y'all are cute together and your family man tendencies are one of your most appealing features. I just want to sit front and center while you sing with all the magnetic showmanship you're capable of... night after night, show after show.

I could totally write songs with you btw. I used to do that in my past life, when I listened to you daily and learned all your songs the first time around. I could also write reviews in my blog and around the web, and I can throw down a pretty mean rendition of 'Papa Loved Mama' or 'Rodeo' or 'Shameless' if you want to bring a regular type fan onstage for any filming. I feel that this would make me one of your more useful groupies and would be worth the price of a wink from onstage, as well as maybe the price of a place to sleep, cause I'll be broke since my Garth addiction will make me unable to hold down a job.

I'm also pretty sure I'll be single when I confess my adoration of your talent to my Korn loving husband. So coming to every show would not be a problem. I also promise to Not Go(in') Down Till The Sun Comes Up because I'm an insomniac. See, best groupie EVER. Right here.

Let me know.

Thanks.

Addicted Aria

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Friday, October 16, 2009

LMFAO Friday ~ Get On With It Edition

Welcome to all the new blogs on the blogroll, and hope y'all have a rockin' weekend! Let's get on with it; Happy LMFAO Friday!




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You know how some guys tell you that their ex was crazy...



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Ahhh, I see Fox News is still using the 50/50 model instituted by the Bush administration...



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It's an elite institution. Membership was by invitation only.



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Whatever you do, don't ask 'em to, "Just take a little off the top."
*groan*



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It's called 'going green'. Duh.



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Those mushrooms were so wild, they were partying!
*I know, groan again*



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Clothes stores for those with voyeuristic fantasies...



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T. M. I.



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Factory lay-offs were becoming obvious in more ways than one.



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What's good for the goose is NOT good for the gander, apparently.



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The duct tape of choice for all the best kidnappers.



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And now 19 year old Jonathan can work on his facebook addiction during his prison group-therapy sessions.



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Well, ya see boss, earlier in the day I out ran a Rottweiler and a Pit Bull. By the time I got to Harris Street, I was plum worn out. What? I waited till it was time for my break.



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Safety First!!!
Ok, to be honest, it's more like safety in the top twenty if no one went to the bar for lunch.



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We made him the king because he made the best sound effects out of all the big fake car owners.
(The penguins had a better airplane in Madagascar 2. Seriously.)




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