Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Blame Shifting, Cough Syrup and Schmuley

So, I started getting better, kind of, and re-read the last post, and found the first three paragraphs SO choppy that it's a friggin' miracle that anyone read the whole post, which may have been subliminally intentional since I told everyone how I went over my bandwidth by streaming porn, to which 'Anonymous' commented that I probably picked up a virus instead of actually going over watching the streamed porn videos, so I checked it with a program that my suspected 'Anonymous' tip giver gave me, and sure enough, I picked something up... except I told hubby that he did it, cause I kept going to ONE site and checking out a whole lotta things, whereas he went to so many sites he was making me dizzy so I left the room, which may have been intentional on his part. Besides, he didn't care that I was dying, as long as I got up and cooked him something to eat, so he deserves the blame on principle alone.

Do you like how I justified the blame-shifting? If any of you new brides want personal lessons, contact me for class times and fees.

Anyway, I've decided not to write any more posts after swigging cough syrup like vodka. Unless I've also taken Benadryl, because that would be either beyond hilarious or very helpful if printed out and distributed to AA and NA groups as a cautionary tale of warning. But for your sake, I ran out I haven't had any in the last three hours today... and by today I mean Wednesday, September 30th because it's like 1 am. So there you go, from the land of sobriety.

PhotobucketNot like I was Tuesday morning when Kathie Lee and Hoda welcomed Michael Jackson's friend, the Rabbi Schmuley, which just had me nearly wetting myself on the couch cause that name cracked me up, which is totally wrong and I am so going to hell... but hey, at this point, I've pretty much got a standing reservation... yeah, I didn't ruin the couch though, I only put the cough syrup to it's most strenuous test via non-stop laughter while attempting to not cough up a lung or two for that matter.

While I managed to keep my lungs, I did find myself completely exhausted and passed out fell sleep soon after... still snickering to "Schmuley" in my head. Poor guy, you know he went though absolute hell in school... at least he would have in my school; and I grew up in a town that was over 90% Jewish. True story. In my world as a kid, the term JAP had nothing whatsoever to do with being of Asian heritage OK?

Actually, The Today Show is totally stepping up to the plate lately. First they talked to the woman who got pregnant while she was already pregnant, which, to me sounds like the worst kind of karma ever... as in you did something so heinous that you have to give birth two months apart. Any woman who has given birth knows how bad that would suck. Like bowling ball through a garden hose suck. Katie Couric Pictures, Images and Photos Then of course, Rabbi Schmuley, then Meredith sneezed which was so newsworthy it made the website. Matt's just glad she didn't give him Swine Flu because that would have rumors flying like when he was in the last days of co-hosting with Katie the human Kewpie least she was until she started doing the nightly news, now she's more stressed looking than Kate with sole custody of her eight. Just sayin.

PhotobucketI, on the other hand, look in need of having my roots done and gastric bypass surgery. I guess stressed is better than being looped on cough syrup and laughing your ass off at the name Schmuley and then filling your blog post with the name Schmuley because it cracks you up almost as much when you're sober but lacking sleep after 1 am... Then there's the ability to post the picture more than once!

Oh, yeah, and one other thing...


I think hubby being home all these months made me 12 too. Actually, that's that blame-shifting thing again, because my sister can attest to the fact that I have had these juvenile bouts of silliness on and off for my entire life.

Schmuley. Registered & Protected

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Glitter Words: Katherine said...

Yea we have the "yucks" at our house too. Fortunately two of us get antibiotics, which in my case are not working. I'm now thinking very seriously about cold medicine and vodka... LOL

The Retired One said...

Oh for the LOVE OF GOD, have someone lock you away from the cough syrup, porn and Schmuleys. You are now beyond help and I hope that someone else is changing the whirlwind's diaper..because, may just call his anatomy a Schmuley and then you are going to have to pay the therapy bills when he gets to adolescence......