Mom, you're a click from ancient. I say this with all due love and respect, but it's time to face facts.
First of all, when I called my mother the other day to chat, she answered and only a few minutes into the conversation she informed me that she could only talk for a moment or two because she was getting ready to go out to dinner with my step-father. Which wouldn't be any kind of big deal, except it was 4 pm at her house.
I know that until they moved to Georgia, they were Jersey natives that went to dinner at 8 pm like all tri-state residents who don't have school-aged children. They ordered take-out and delivery and if you called at 10 pm and actually caught them at home, you were interrupting the first 20 minutes of some movie. I'd get emails timestamped 2 am and they were always attending wakes and funerals of their much older friends and heading off to bunco and 'functions'. My mom went to NY once a month on a theater-day-trip with my aunt. My step-father was usually busy with the lodge. They were active-life-middle-aged-busy-New-Jersians.
Now they've got dinner reservations at 5 pm.
And my mother is constantly updating me on their garden. When friends have come to visit, they help 'in the garden'. I hear about bugs eating the parsley and what vegetables are ready to be picked. I mean, they had a garden in NJ, but I never heard about it. It wasn't the central theme in their life.
Now, it is... along with getting ready for dinner at 4 pm.
Well, the garden, the early-bird dinner reservations, and whatever my step-father is off doing with their new neighbor and his best-country-buddy Shorty. Swear. His name is Shorty. Now, instead of lodge functions, my step-father is off at tractor pulls and farm-implement-auctions and some festival that was so eyeroll-inducing that I can't even remember what the hell it was for, except that there was some tree hugger or some such shit on duty for the entirety of the festival and it was a big ass deal to be chosen.
I've been in Texas for three years and I haven't been as countrified as my mother and step-father have become in under a year. Maybe it's the 5 pm dinner reservations and the turtle that was a beginning-of-the-summer-season inhabitant in their salt-water pool. I don't fucking know. I just know they've lost their urban-friggin'-minds.
I called yesterday as I was fixing dinner to inform my mother that she was precariously poised on the edge of old age because I started the dreaded universal female event of hot flashes.
And yes, I said that I started having hot flashes. Last week it was hair bumps
Must be why my mother is acting so old-ladyish. It's my turn to be middle aged. 38 is a little young, but considering how I lived in my 20's,
I'm one up on her in the country-friend department though. My brother-in-law lives two doors down and is named Buzzy. Top that, Mom.