Saturday, September 27, 2008

Coming Down

It's hard to 'come down' from the last two weeks. They have been a roller coaster of determination, work, emotional stress and survival.

Horrified at the thought of loosing our home, no matter how bad a condition it's in, it's difficult to pack like you're never coming back and doing so in 48 hours... only to return and find everything still completely in tact, without so much as a gallon of spoilt milk in the fridge. It was a relief--a huge one, but also a bit embarrassing to have to phone those not in the area, who only got minimal Ike updates on their local news. To have everything working and standing, we must have been exaggerating our situation. I assure you, to hear the Houston stations tell it, we were not... Look at footage of the Bolivar Peninsula for an accurate look at what we were promised to be the devastated landscape of our little plot of earth.

Then there was setting the home front back to right. Thankful, YES, most definitely. But to be completely honest about it, a total pain in the ass. I still have 15 gallons of water under my kitchen table as well as all of my son's toys because hubby took this opportunity to re-arrange his speaker setup and I now have no place in the living room for the toys. Grousing? Yes, I admit it. I had managed to find a comfortable place for everything in the small space we have, and now it is disrupted to the point that I feel claustrophobic. It no longer feels like home. It feels disjointed and disrupted and overly small.

Add in the topic of my last post. While I am thankful beyond belief to still have my friend, and I am there for her 24 hours a day, I can feel her more acutely now. When she is going on a low swing, I can feel her and I start to swing with her. My empathic abilities suck sometimes. I call, we talk, she lifts some, and I do too. And although, the incident didn't happen 'to me', the after-affects have touched me at such a level that in a way, it did. Most likely, it will continue to for some time.

Yes, I know, I'm bitching about what I should be most grateful for...and I haven't even started on hubby (lol) which, by the way I won't... So I think it's fair to say that what I'm learning and want to impart to you is this; you can be grateful and still have issues at the same time. They are not mutually exclusive. The sun doesn't come out and shine and the Hallelujah Chorus doesn't play just because you're grateful or thankful to the universe for sparing you a worse fate. I also don't think it makes you a horrible person for acknowledging the difficulties attached to the blessings. Hey, you've remembered to be thankful despite the issues, that has to count for something.

For two weeks, I've been keyed-up then relieved, then up again and down again, over and over... It's stressful. And the universe did hear me and provide even though I bitched at God yesterday during my thankful prayer. Today, we are at our friend's house. Hubby is outside with both of them chainsawing down their felled trees from the storm (yes I know, chainsawing in Texas... Ha Ha.). I am being given a rare and wonderful opportunity. They have a large home which is nicely decorated, a so-So-SO much faster computer set up and it's relatively quiet. And I am basically alone in here enjoying the peace and the quick computer. The baby is asleep and hubby is not talking non-stop in my ear about his J-O-B which is really becoming a drag lately; more so than usual.

It may seem a small relief, but it is allowing me to come down... restabilize... refresh my stores and get my personal balance back so that I am able to handle the next wave of the roller coaster that is life. And for that I am grateful--without the bitch.

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