Sunday, June 8, 2008

Learning to love myself

I'm learning to love myself; warts and all. Not that I actually have warts, but when one becomes aware of one's white trash status, you have to dig deep to still love yourself.

If still is the correct terminology... somehow, I wonder if I've ever loved myself in a healthy, balanced way. Was I ever good enough or smart enough or pretty enough. Oh, from time to time others have told me all of the above, but have I ever really believed it?... not really. I believed that they believed it, and how sad for them.

Truth is, how sad is it to live all day, everyday in a body you don't like, thinking how you should have done everything better; from housekeeping to past relationships.

How sad for me that I didn't recognize within myself the cool or smart or pretty things that others saw. I'm not looking for a pity party here, that's not what I mean at all. What I do mean, is that we are all given gifts and we are all given faults; on that one particular playing field, every human being on earth is even.

So, I've decided to give myself a break. Like I would do for any one of my good friends. I have decided that for me to be happy in this life, I have to be the best friend I have, in spite of all my gifts and all of my faults.

Who knows, maybe one day I'll even like me enough to take me home & show me off to the folks.

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