I'm Not PC, But I'm Still People PC, Apparently

Be honest, you missed my rants, didn't you?

So this morning I got up on the post-sleep side of 8am for the first time in what seems like forever. And I'm doing dishes, cause that is the joy that is my Saturday morning, when the phone rings... at not even 9am.

This kind of irritates me, because it's not one of the distinctive rings that I've allotted to my many friends, family and admirers (ok, I made up the admirers part) but the 'unknown number' ring.

See, I was raised in the days when it was rude to call someone before 10 am. My mother would sooner let us wrestle in chocolate pudding on white carpet than let us call ANYONE friends, family, 911... before 10 am.

And yet, here I am hearing a ringtone that is sure to signal some sort of bullshit call at not even 9 am... while I'm washing dishes... pre-coffee. They obviously didn't know who they were about to deal with.

So I get the Oh-So-Mood-Enhancing computer generated voice telling me that my People PC account was past due to the tune of two months and did I want to speak to a representative. Oh, Skippy, you bet your ass I do!

You see, when we first got the high speed internet, we were going to keep the dial-up account with People PC as a back-up. It was on the desktop in the back room where we couldn't get any bars for the high-speed, so we used the high-speed with the laptop in any other room in the house than the designated computer room. My life is full of ironies like this.

Well, near the end of October we had a thunder storm that caused a big rig to go off the road and take out an entire electrical pole. Snapped it clean in half. Wire was on the wet road shooting massive electrical sparks 20 feet in the air. It is so comforting to know that people driving 20 ton trucks with the capacity for snapping electrical poles like toothpicks can't make a 10 degree turn on a wet road. Does so much for the confidence in life factor with Mr. Big Rig coming up in my side view mirror at mach 12.

ANYWAY...

So, this accident and it's ensuing power outage shot a power spike through the system that must have been like a gadjillion (real word) watts cause it blew out the computer even though it was plugged into a surge-protecting power strip. Yeah. Hey Walmart, I want my money back!

Anyway... again... Thing is, all this happened on like the 22nd of October. Well, People PC calls me last month and I tried to cancel the service. Don't need the dial-up in the back room when I have no computer in the back room. Savvy? These internet nazis, try to say that I used their service and needed to pay my bill so I could cancel.

What? I didn't use your service for this cycle I'm not paying you Jack! Now cancel my shit. I've been getting billed on the 28th of the month forever. The last day the service was used was the 21st. How is that billable for this month when I pre-pay for my service?

This Indian-accented man (dot not feather) talks all over me and tries to tell me that my billing cycle is thru the 21st so I used one day of service and have to pay the full month so I can cancel. I tell him to fuck off and die that I'm not paying it and to cancel me. I hear nothing from People PC again. Problem solved... Not Quite.

So this morning, the second I hear Mr Indian-accented man (dot not feather) on the line butchering my name I tell him that I want to speak to his supervisor immediately. Cause the second Ms. Recorded-Computer-Voice tells me I now owe TWO months I'm seein' more red than a tomato festival and I know these call center lackeys can't help me worth a damn until I get to a supervisor and go all phone-postal so I can get this handled cause I'm not paying for ANY service I didn't use. EVER. Cause I'm hard-headed like that. The People PC phone nazi wants to 'verify information' before I can be permitted to talk to a supervisor.

Oh Skippy Habib, I think not.

I came a little unstuck.

He thinks that he just needs to keep talking over me and making the same request to verify my information and I'll acquiesce to his request. Uh hello? You.Called.Me. At not even 9am in the morning. What the hell do you need to verify?

I wanted to threaten to feed him cow parts.

I didn't. I was politically correct and just cussed him out with a string of blue foulness that only a true vulgarian could have made a coherent sentence out of, cause I have skillz, and no class.

In between my filth-strings of speech, I made sure he understood that if he wasn't going to listen to me, I sure as hell wasn't going to listen to him. I was getting so postal riled up that my voice started quivering. In the world of me, that's like DEFCON 42.

I said his mother did things with farm animals that a crack whore wouldn't admit to and hung up.

I'll bet you next month I get a computerized call saying I owe three months.