God: You haven't had a cigarette today. Even though you're driving, and normally you chain-smoke like a felon when you drive. So I was thinking, just don't. Just for today, don't.
Me: Crap. This is always SO much fun.
God: You know you've gotta quit. You've needed to quit for a long time.
Me: Yes, I know.
Me: I knew you were gonna say that.
God: Today, or you can't go any further on your path. You won't progress.
Me: I heard you. I haven't smoked yet today. I'll quit today. Just for today. If I tell myself that, maybe it will be easier.
God: Sure, but if you start again, OUR progress will backslide and it will take longer for me to promote you to the next level... that, and I'll nag you again. And in case you hadn't noticed, I'm pretty persistent.
Me: I know. I need to sacrifice something, huh? Something hard.
God: If it were easy, it wouldn't be a sacrifice. "...it's the hard that makes it great."
Me: Please shut up. And I better hit the Mega Jackpot for this... tonight.
God: Just get through today. You'll see. You won't regret it.
Me: I say this with all due love and respect; I hate you sometimes.
God: I love you too. Now, don't fuck up.
Me: God! Did you just say fuck?!?
God: Had to put in in language you'd understand. Wait till I start dealing with you on the language, girlie... you're gonna wish you were still quitting cigarettes.
Me: And I want my house too. The one I found on the net the other day and am totally in love with. I want it. And I want to pay cash for it and any and all upgrades, changes, repairs and decorating. And I want to always be able to afford any and every thing that ever comes up regarding that house.
God: Quit smoking today, as of right now, and I won't strike you with lightening and suck you up in an F-5 tornado, how's that sound?
Me: *pause* Sounds lovely. Thanks.
God: Don't mention it.
So, I quit smoking yesterday for the third time in *ahem* 25 years. (out of 38 for those of you counting). And so far I haven't killed anyone... cause I keep reminding myself that jail really, Really, REALLY sucks. Good thing the step-son went home Monday evening. Gotta go... I need to check my lotto ticket.