So, obviously, I was raised with 'em. I spent many, many, many a calamine-covered summer night ~after the street lights went on, cause
OK, so fast forward 17 years, past all of California, where I was once, (let me say that again) Once attacked by mosquitoes and received 5 mini-bumps on my left leg that stopped itching in 5 minutes and were never heard from again... they probably thought I was gonna sue, or they got a ticket... whatever. (It was ONCE.)
As I was saying, fast forward past that blissfully mosquito-less existence to where
I got enough of that as a kid. All my life, I've been a favorite feast of nano-technology-vampires. I step outside, and they call out to one another, "Look Boys, a free prime rib buffet!" Bug spray on me, is like A-1 sauce to them; it just makes me tastier. I've become re-used to this. It's an itchy pain in the ass, but I'm (once again) used to it. I've been here three years now, and I can tell you that this is the worst year ever, Ever, EVER in my full-entire life. No joke, no exaggeration, I am in mosquito HELL. Holy Mary Mother of God, I have never been mosquito-bitten like I have this year, and people, keep two things in mind; first of all, I'm over 50 miles to the Gulf of Mexico, so we're not rocking a whole lot of water here in my little town of Bug-fuck... and secondly, It's. Only. June.
I'm screwed like a $2 whore.
But this year... they're sucking me so dry of my blood, that I'm as close to an albino as you can get without the pink eyes and hanging around with dwarfs looking for microfilm in cigarette packs, but I digress... They've adopted bold new
So now they hang out in my bedroom lying in wait for me to fall asleep so they can feast on me uninterrupted, And I know this, because I've been waking up way before my eight hours scratching and itching and miserable. And my poor munchkin, has inherited Mommy's Yankee-Glow-in-the-Dark skin and he's finding out early just how torturous and plentiful mosquito bites can be. So, we try to kill the little *expletive deleted for severity and length* buggers, but after being unable to eradicate them from inside the house, I'm starting to think that they aren't just nuclear-mutant mosquitoes, but that they too, must be versed in the way of the Jedi.
I'm starting to think that they took lessons from Mister Jedi Mousy. Who, btw, has been in the cross-hairs of Hubby-Sith since he took over
After over a week of mouse-trapping in increasingly inventive and insidious methods, Hubby has renamed Mister Jedi Mousy...
His new name is Fucking Jedi.
And the Jedi is winning the war. Hubby is so defeated that he hasn't set traps for two nights. Or maybe he's just planning something huge to get the Jedi, and doesn't want to tell me in case I get captured by the Jedi-minion mosquitoes and I'm coerced into revealing the secrets locked in my brain... it could happen... I'm kinda mentally weak when I've lost inordinate amounts of blood and am itching like I fell asleep in a mixed patch of poison oak and poison ivy and want to take a wire tire-brush to my skin. I could crack. Better that Hubby-Sith plot his Jedi-Mouse-deathtrap on his own.
For Hubby is Texan, thereby making him immune to Jedi Mosquitoes. But with the Jedi Mouse the force is strong, it is. If this keeps up, the rebel forces may take the Death Star.