Monday, January 12, 2009

Beauty and the Globes

Among other things, I spent the weekend watching the Golden Globe awards and the new show from Kelso, I mean Kutcher, True Beauty... at least I think that was the name of it.

Kelso, I mean Kutcher's, show brings 10 'beautiful people' together to live in one house and through a series of challenges get themselves eliminated each week. The big twist to this one is that the contestants don't know that they're really being judged on anything other than looks because the challenges are day to day life experiences, and the contestants are filmed (unbeknown to them) handling these experiences; all of which are designed to showcase the inner beauty. This group is the most narcissistic buncha people I've ever seen. One of the funniest parts, is watching how the 'beautiful people' interact with other so-called beautiful people. In their little worlds at home, they are used to being the total center of attention because they are the most beautiful in their little bunch, which is obvious by their behavior. They've grown to think that being bitchy is cute

So what happens when everyone in the room is used to being the center of attention for their bitchy beauty? Me-friggin-eow. The biggest bitch of the bunch was voted off already ~ however you say the snapper's name. The other one up for elimination is very good looking, as long as she doesn't smile. Her smile is scary-beyond-all-reason. And the two male most beautifuls that tied and were safe from elimination... The blondie needs to win the competition by what's been shown so far, but the dark-headed one...? OMG that guy needs to get "Asshole" tattooed on his forehead to save people the time of talking to him for 27 seconds to find it out. Hot as he is outside, he is one ugly person inside... given the chance, I'd kick him in the gonads on principle alone.

On to the Golden Globes...

Ho-Friggin-Hum. Why do they televise this one? I needed meth to stay awake.

Heath Ledger rightfully won best supporting actor for the best Joker EVER in Dark Knight. And anyone who sees it and still says that Nicholson was the best... I have one word for you: Rehab. Nicholson's performance was a caricature of the actor himself. Ledger's, by comparison, was brilliance, genius, and only high lit how overrated Nicholson has become as he sits back and plays more and more irascible versions of himself.

Kate (of Kate & Leo) won both Best and Best Supporting Actress for two different roles, obviously. Historic. Anna Paquin won for something, and I liked her dress, but when the hell did she sprout a gap between her front teeth so wide it could hold two Susan B Anthony's? Drew looked very old-Hollywood-glamorous with her Marilyn Monroe hair.

Colin was sober. Mickey won Best Actor, even though with his 'new face' he looks more like a Best Actress ~ at least he thanked his dogs. Yes, his dogs. It got a huge laugh, but the man was serious. Stephen waxed poetic about technicalities during the acceptance of the Cecil B DeMille award... Whatcha gonna do? It's Spielberg for fuck's sake... You could totally tell he's used to being listened to (without interruption) adoringly by any and every one in Hollywood~or the film industry in general. The President of the Foreign Press said hello to 'everyone and Stephen' and looked like he was going to wet himself because Steven Spielberg heard him speak... you know, actual syllables and everything.

And lastly, I have to comment on Meryl Streep...

Meryl, darling,
I know that you are quite possibly the finest living actress in the world. Your mastery of accents and the play of emotions across your face is riveting to watch on screen. Your skills and natural talent make whatever role you play, completely engrossing. But darling, time is marching across your face with 2-ton tanks. Please, please, for the sake of all of my glamour fantasies about award shows, please, rethink the make-up angle. Wear Some. Say, "Fuck it, I'm Meryl Streep, I'll go where and do what I please in Hollywood. I am the female Spielberg." But for goodness sake don't say, "Fuck it, I'm Meryl Streep, and I don't have to wear make-up to awards shows". Sweetie, you're not in Kramer vs. Kramer anymore. You're not making Sophie's Choice. The time has passed where you look wonderful naked faced. So I implore you, by all that is holy, regain your regal stature, and put on some face for the Oscars. Thank you.

...said the pasty-faced-no-make-up-wearin'-haircut-looks-like-it-was-performed-by-a-Toro-weed-whacker-grossly-overweight-woman-in-sweats-and-socks sitting on the couch... Registered & Protected

1 comment:

The Retired One said...

OMG....when I saw your title: "Beauty and the Globes"...I am so fixated yet on our vacation and all the topless sunbathers...I immediately thought you were going to talk about breasts (aka: globes). Lord. I need a vacation from my vacation. Plus, I have been run-over by that nasty virus/cold/flu or whatever else this just-kill-me-and-get-it-over-with illness is that I have come down with....
Great Post, as always! I have missed reading you when we gone!