Saturday, January 28, 2012

Oh What A Beautiful Moooooorning...

I feel like...Gordon MacRae...

"Oh what a beautiful moooooorning! Oh what a beautiful day...."

It was from the movie Oklahoma, and my father used to sing it in the car when we'd drive somewhere. He also used to sing Zippidy Do Dah, but I knew that was from Song of the South because I loved that story about br'er rabbit tricking mean ole br'er fox and br'er bear.

Guess I always loved the underdog that became the top dog stories; or maybe I just enjoyed being in on the joke. Maybe life is finally letting me in on the jokes...a little.

Because it is a beautiful morning, Mr. MacRae... Despite all kinds of life circumstances that should probably have me on my knees, I'm standing tall and smiling from the inside out.

I'm happy. Truly, deeply, light-filled happy; and I can tell you, that hasn't happened in so long I didn't remember what it really was like. Oh, I've had glimpses of it over the last several years, but achieving it for any length of time just didn't happen. Until recently.

Being surrounded by Divine connections will do that to a person, regardless of what the world throws at 'em.

Did you ever find yourself in a conversation and all of a sudden snap-to, realizing that a question had been asked of you, and answered by you totally absent of your conscious thought?

I haven't had that happen very often, but it did four months ago. A regular customer at the store whom I had had slightly more than the standard-customer-banter with came in and asked me out. He asked me if I had a boyfriend and I answered him, "No." before it even registered.

Those were my angels. Making sure I didn't miss my blessing.

I'm a romantic, so I'll spare you the hearts and flowers and just put it like this: I've met many people who have made me want to be a better person; he helps me be one simply by being himself.

Everything he saw as a personal detriment in himself, is something I see as wonderful about him (or at the very least, doesn't bother me in the slightest). He feels the same about me. He fits... in all the ways I asked for, even when I had no idea what getting them would look like in real life. It's mind blowing in the best sense.

But Wait!!! There's More!!!

I know I posted last year about my unlikely friendship with Mrs. Tex-ex. Well my girl came through with such a major blessing and total friendship that we have literally become bff's, in the high school equivalent of grown-up friendship... up to, and including sleep-overs and help moving when I lost my apartment a few weeks ago. A long lost soul-sister that heals me as I heal her over morning coffee and cigarettes after Jas goes to school.

Sometimes it's by marathon texting sessions when the weight of the world seems too much; too inwardly, intimately, brutal to trust anyone else with the details of the vicious inner workings of our brains as they shred us to pieces. We share them without fear of condemnation; exorcising the darkness by examining it with the light produced when the two of us get together.

If I ever finish a book, one of the dedications will be to Tex-ex thanking him for having the good sense to throw me out and marry his wife. It was the best thing that could have happened to all of us.

Want the kicker? My boyfriend, Tex-ex, Mrs. Tex-ex and I are all on great terms. Like hanging out and having dinner and the kids all playing in the yard kind of great terms.

Is this a great life or what?!? Registered & Protected

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Wow I Missed You... OK, Not Really, But It Sounds Better Than Life Happens

WASHINGTON, DC - MARCH 15:  Former Federal Res...
You mofos ain't gonna belieeeeve this shiiiit!
Yes, yes, I know... I haven't been here since August of last year.

Shame on me for leaving you hanging with no follow up to my then current upheaval. It's alright, I got what I deserved karmically for doing so... more upheaval!

I could serve you legitimate excuses the computer died again, I had to give up my internet access for financial reasons, I lost my apartment for the same reasons months later, but I won't. Life threw me some curve balls and I honestly didn't feel like chronicling them. Some were incredibly disheartening, others just lessons that I had to learn again.

So, did I learn my lesson?

Ummm... kinda...

Survey says: New Direction!

I'm not working... and here I go actually throwing myself into my writing for the first time in years. Doing the "I swear I'm serious about my writing!" thing...even if it sounds like a bullshit cop-out since I haven't worked in three months and haven't written anything of real consequence in longer than that.

Yeah. Well... fuck it, and here we go with the nitrous button broken off; which is just kind of how it always seems to work out for me. So... new...old... whatever. It's the current gameplan. *shrugs*

Like the inspiring tree of life, I embrace my twisty limbs and grow off into something a little different...even though I'm still a tree... or an Aria... same difference.

One day I'll look like Alan Greenspan (we share a birthday...just not the same financial acumen) in that picture up there... Like he's telling a rapt crowd, "HOLY SHIT! I FUCKED UP, but I survived, in fact I learned how to LIVE and look at all of you listening to me like I know something now! HA!"

So the journey begins yet again, and this time I'm writing it ALL down.

Because honestly, if I don't, no one will believe what is going on and years from now when they do my biopic it will be considered a work of fiction and then I'll be accused of plagiarism and be fined instead of paid. See the problem?

So get ready... Unabridged insanity is about to follow... or in my case: that with which the Universe has blessed me even if it sounds mental and totally made up . Registered & Protected
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