Thought it was absolutely going to break me.
The mud... the dank foul mud of my mind... both sides of my wants and needs sparring it out with nuclear warheads of rationality and emotion.
Couldn't seem to find clarity to save myself.
Tears...pain...prayers...and more cigarettes than one person should consume in a week, let alone a morning...
I called in for outside refereeing and got only the help of verbalizing what was tangled up in my skull... the logical aspects of the situation with which I was wrestling, and the emotional doubts and fears that were being hurled back and forth.
And then my ref's cell service broke up.
Cause sometimes God wants it that way... so the decision is your own and not a byproduct of suggestion by another.
A few hours later, in one deft strike of unequivocal clarity... it was over.
I am once again sure of my path.
I was on it all along, I just needed to be reminded why it was the right one.
Cause that 'grass is always greener' stuff is some tricky optical illusion shit.
And to quote a very wise woman: "Sometimes the potholes look like sinkholes, but they really aren't unless you make them so."