Thursday, September 30, 2010

My Island

AIDS Project Los Angeles (APLA) benefit, Los A...Image via WikipediaSome days I feel like an island.

Not Gilligan's Island, cause it had years of company, granted it was reluctant, but still.

Not the Survivor island because I'm not being trampled on by camera crews and people doing the guerrilla-version of  Biggest Looser mixed with Fear Factor.

Just an island.  The Isle of Aria.

Like Lovey without Thurston.

Ever have one of those days?  When even your go-to gals don't get where you're coming from.  And you sound a little odd to yourself, but aren't sure if that's really you or the you you're seeing from the eyes of your not-in-sync observers.

So it is with me this week.

I quit smoking... Yes, again.

I'm not ashamed to admit that I've been a little stabby.

But when the first day of quitting falls on top of four hours of sleep and PMS, and I didn't wind up being indicted for first-degree murder, I'm willing to call that a win. 

Yesterday was a little better, even though hubby took the second day  just as he had the first... like he was trying to poke an alligator with a sharp stick with the sole intent of pissing it off so that it would charge.

Then he got mad at this alligator for charging.

How is someone who, for the last four years, has not uttered more than a total of four sentences without some cussword in it, going to tell me to watch my mouth?

How do you explain to a person that his or her actions are ones that would make you wanna knock 'em in the noggin with a cast iron skillet even if you'd gotten a full 8 on a TempurPedic Cloud, had balanced hormones, a cup of fresh coffee, and a Cheech and Chong sized green-bud joint while hooked to a Valium IV.

What do I know, I'm just acting like this cause I'm a snapper.

And on top of that, I say things to my girlz that I think they're gonna take one way, and they go in a whole other direction.

I'm left feeling like the island where one day they're going to find Amelia Earhart.

But an island without a fire since I'm smoke free.

And I don't miss smoking.  I'm actually not craving cigarettes.  I miss the excuse to go take a 5 minute break.  I miss the camaraderie that happens during those smoke breaks.  But I can't go there right now, cause I'll be tempted to cave.

And if an island caves, it disappears.  Swallowed by the ocean.

And I don't want to be a sunken island because then I'll be a landing zone for whale shit and half-eaten shark meals of dismembered body parts... and that's disgusting.

I want to be a happy island with beautiful views and a peaceful demeanor... and if I can achieve that, the tourists will come. Registered & Protected
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The Retired One said...

Oh honey...hope you are feeling better now. I am behind in reading all my fav blogs (again, I just can't catch up over the last 4 months!!)..
so I am just reading this on 10/20.
Hope you can keep up the non smoking will be so good for you.
and never feel like an are anchored to many, many people who adore you.