Mommy Needs a Time Out

Image by un point c'est tout ! (Les chicos) via FlickrAny parent with a shred of honesty will admit that sometimes their kids drive them street-rat-bat-shit-round-the-damn-bend crazy.
If they don't, they're either liars or highly medicated.

My son has no off button. He's not a lap-baby.  He doesn't sit and watch TV.  He's in constant motion.  He even bounces around while playing video games.

And so are his lips.  He never stops talking, and to his ears, "Be quiet." means speak louder. If he's not actually talking, he's making noise; motorboat, gun blasts, raspberries, machine gun fire...

And when he wants something he comes at you like a cattle auctioneer until you give in just to get some peace even though that's poor parenting and my daughter would never have gotten away with that.

I still smoked pot so it was easier to tune out was stronger then.

I know this about him. I'm not new. At this point in his life, it is who he is and how he behaves.

He's adorable and everything I could want in a son: hard-headed, strong, smart, full of curiosity and energy, and has moments of pure sweetness that melt your heart.

Today, the cuteness is not enough.

I want to play Bejeweled Blitz without having machine gun rat-a-tat-tat's shouted in my ears while he hangs on my mouse hand.

I want to read my homework assignment without rapid-fire requests for milk and mac-n-cheese.

I want him to stop doing something, anything, without having to be yelled at before he cops a clue that I'm actually addressing HIM even though I said his name each of the five times I made the request before I turned into Psycho Sally.

I want him to not use my computer chair to reach things on top of the fridge the second I leave the room to use the toilet.

I want to take something away from him without him picking it up the second I lay it down like he has every right in the world to do so.

I want him to not play with his cars directly behind me on the kitchen floor while I'm at the stove, because I have told him he's not allowed in the kitchen while I'm cooking more than I have said my own name... in my entire lifetime.

I want to not have to play the antagonist in a game of keep-away to get the TV remote from him when I finally sit down to watch a show and he's had Qubo on all day for a few hours and doesn't want to share cause Miss BG is on.

Maybe I can convince Hubby that I've been really, really, really bad and need a long time-out to think about my behavior... or just have a single uninterrupted thought today.

All. By. Myself.

Wish me luck.

Share