It's Not a Tuuumor

I kinda looked like this, but with better teeth.

Well, I should be doing my schoolwork but I wanted to catch y'all up... you've been so patient, because from my perspective, that last post was lifetimes ago.

Holy cats y'all. I didn't go any further. I made a decision to come back to the little ole town Texas that I used to bitch about.

I got out there and realized I really missed this quiet little place.

I know y'all are thinking I went back to the ex...

But I did try like a begging dog and got shot down not. Instead, his ex-flame from forever ago was already there before I even wrote the last post, and they got married yesterday morning.

I went kazoo.

Even though I found out about it as I was leaving church, after helping out and being all kinds of Good Child of God and such.

It wasn't even remotely pretty. I went ghetto... and by ghetto I mean I went through that house like a tornado and removed everything I bought that I could fit into my pea-sized car. I took every thing from the bed except the mattress, up to and including my revenge pillows and poured water on the bed. I found her overnight bag in the bathroom and poured water in that when I removed the shower-head. Her computer was all set up where mine used to be and to keep myself from dousing that, I soaked the seat of the computer chair. Then I jerked the phone clean out of the wall and proceeded to forget the receiver. I was gonna take the microwave but it wouldn't fit in the back seat. I left the deep freeze and the front door wide open and jetted; shaking in adrenaline fury.

I had gone off the deep end and I knew it.

Then I went back to church and shook there in my favorite parking spot... for like two hours.

And I calmed down. And God showed me what I needed to see.

Total Ouch Hallelujah time! My behavior in the relationship and his behavior in the relationship and what I need to do now and how the only thing he could do to get me to back off was get married. I saw everything. I saw my three big hideous ugly behaviors that I have to work on. I saw the root causes of all my current problems.

I got it... and it healed me.

And I'm over it. And happy going forward. And happy for them. It was the frying pan to the skull that I absolutely needed to get off my dead slug ass and live.

So am I still broke, and jobless, and homeless. Yes, yes I am.  But I'm happy and looking forward and fixing it all one task, one day at a time.

And happy makes all the difference in the world.

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Rollin Me Down the Highway

Image via WikipediaGod, where did I go?

I used to be fearless.

I crossed state lines last night and have found myself this morning in Duson, Louisiana. Farther East on I-10 than I ever went before...and quaking in my Keds the whole way.

I pray constantly that  God has me even though I'm not really feeling it. Trusting in God and having faith, or lunatic with a brain tumor?

I don't know yet.  So far, I'm still willing to go with the brain tumor theory.

I never thought I'd say this, but I miss Texas.

I miss driving with X-2 and feeling confident that we'd get anywhere we wanted cause he was driving.

I detest not having a destination or a home to return to.

Freedom isn't always what it's cracked up to be.

Sometimes it's just scary and lonely.

*sigh*

So barring a miracle, or possibly because of one, I will head on down the highway some more when I check out. Following I-10 E farther, mainly because I don't have any better ideas.

Prayers would be great.

Dear God,

Please send money and courage. Preferably in that order.

Amen

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Time to Move On... Kinda

Image via WikipediaI swear, that I understand that, I look crazy.

God is not telling me to re-up my room again.

No. God is telling me to give almost half my money to Darrell. I'm supposed to put the amount HE told me to in his bank account and then go over there today and give him my bank card for good. Get this, I also have to get my not-exactly-cheap Prilosec and my son a backpack.

This better be one hell of a bounty coming.

It is, and this I know even if my flesh is trying to scream, "what, What, WHAT?!?" Sheila Broflovski style.

It's a test.

I was never a tither. Can't lie. But whenever I have had money in my life, I tried to be good to those around me. That has always been my tithe.

So, without a set place to call my sleeping space tonight, I will do as I am told. Give what I must to be faithful to God.

And tomorrow, I will, with these people that I'm about to leave, give thanks; to all that we did, to all that we were, and to all we're going to be separately.

And I am thankful, because everything brought me here. To this incredibly good, even if a little scary, journey of fully walking with God. In every aspect of my life.

Time to go out into the deep so I may receive my larger haul.  Whenever God says I'm ready for it, I will receive. Yes, I will.

So a happy and bountiful Thanksgiving to you and your family.  Thanks for reading~ stay tuned.

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And That Was That

Image by ken mccown via FlickrWhatabunchaDRAMA.

But hey, what's a breakup without some drama?

Every major break-up has to have some drama.

Ours started about 48 hours ago.

I came back to the house and could not stop myself from spouting some hard truths. When I was with my first ex, I called it Will-Tourette's cause I could not stop spouting at that man. Nor this one apparently, on that night anyway.

I may need to work on that.

Anyway, he did not handle those truths well, and by yesterday morning, when I said, "Good Morning" *big smile actually feeling pretty happy* he went kazoo.

Threats, and angry epithets from one end being met with nothing but blessings and requests of friends to pray for his angry-tornado-headed-self. And you can believe it, cause I saved the texts... just in case.  lol  Been through the ex that goes off the rails bit before.

Anyway, I have moved out...and life is beautiful. My living quarters have definitely been upgraded. 

I am officially in transition between that existence and the life that is to come.

My dear readers, I have stepped into my future.

It's bright, beautiful, and blessed.

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AP Ziedoü

The future is scary.

The past is comforting.

Choose the future,

It is more rewarding.

-AP Ziedoü

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Icky

Image by G & A Sattler via FlickrPeople ask all the time, "How are you doing?"

At the grocery store, at the gas station...

when you're going through a break-up...

Today, my answer is "Icky."

I feel like hell. Every time I enter the house I want to cry.

It Sucks.

I thought I'd be happier. I was so miserable for so long, I was sure breaking-up would be easier.

I didn't expect the pain. I thought being in was painful; being out is currently worse.

Rationally, I know it will get better. I have faith, I do what God tells me to do, even when it seems insane to other people.

"Be good to him."

That's what I'm being told to do.


"Seriously, God? I'll do what you're telling me, but then how am I supposed to..."


"Be good to him. Give him everything I tell you to."


So I do... and I am... and I'm exhausted, weepy, and  hurting.  It sucks.  The one thing I'm not, is angry. 


But it's icky.

And I'm being told things that explain so much, but I'm not allowed to tell him, cause it cannot come from me now. He wouldn't accept the information.


Icky.


Lord help me. You know what I need better than I do. I am grateful that you are sending it on swift wings and I accept your blessings. Amen.  *sigh*  Amen.

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Alone Again, Naturally

Image by melilab via FlickrFor those of you who have managed to resist the temptation of facebook, I'll catch you up to speed.



I'm single~ish.

Let me clarify so as not to confuse my long-time readers.

I'm married, still, by some cosmic joke to the person I have always referred to here as ex-hubby.


I never married, because bigamy just isn't attractive, the man that I have always referred to here as Hubby.


Make sense?  I didn't think so... but I'll move on anyway.


Hubby, the man that I moved to Texas for, and the father of my son is no longer Hubby (he's now X-2)... we have decided to call it quits... for real, and for good.


I see myself as Colin Firth in Love Actually, when he winds up in France for his annual writing get-away alone after leaving his cheating ho of a girlfriend.


Hubby didn't cheat on me, but I connect with Colin's delivery of the line (and title of this post) much more than Eric Carmen's wailing of this line from his song by the same title.


And now that I've managed to, despite being completely sober, write as confusingly as if I were stoned to the bejesus belt, I shall continue...


This is actually good news for you, my dear readers.


No longer must I edit out what is going on in my previously boring life because someone doesn't want to get phone calls from his friends asking him pointed questions about something I've written.


Gotta tell ya, as a stay-at-home 'wife' and mother, that puts a HUGE crimp in what I can write about.


But those days are gone... so, beware, be warned, strap-in... I'll be writing uncensored from now on.


And I'm also getting a new look, because the header was a sunset taken from the front yard of X-2's house and obviously, that will cease to be my view sometime after Thanksgiving, since I haven't moved yet.


Therefore, without further ado, this is my notice to you, my readers: Aria'z Ink is about to change...a lot... for the better.


Blessings!

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Just Give Me A Freakin' Break Already.

Image via WikipediaI just don't get it.

Some chick on my facebook friends list just updated her status with her dietetic breakfast menu.

Seriously?

Can we file that under I don't give a shit? 


I'm pretty sure she's a fellow blogger too, so it doesn't bode well for her writing skills that the most pertinent, and by pertinent I mean funny, thought provoking, witty, or interesting, the most pertinent thing this woman has to post is her dietetic breakfast menu.

Turkey bacon is a travesty of epic proportions, I hate cottage cheese. I don't mind blueberries, but measuring your food before you eat sucks balls... and then posting the menu with measurements? 

That is just sad.

I mean, it's like the big cue to your brain that says, "Hey, heads up, we're dieting again.  Feel free to make the stomach think it's hungry All. Day. Long. Even if we eat the dietary fiber equivalent of cardboard and tree bark salad. Thanks!" 

It was like a tweet one time from David Faustino, that's Bud Bundy from Married With Children to those of you that don't have a freakish amount of actual names of actors floating around their heads, which said he was on his way to get a haircut.  I answered him in a manner similar to this post... and he answered me *squee!*.


Thing is, with all this social networking via the internet, have we gotten SO LAZY that we can't even manage 120 characters of interesting anymore?


Come on people, thanks to the Internet, we can chat with friends without make-up, minty-fresh-breath, showers, or even pants.  Can't we at least be interesting?


Witty, pithy, inspirational...?  Funny, smile-inspiring, thought provoking...?  Movie-quoting, YouTube-showing, passing along a chain-post that is total bullshit and probably a scam, but I have it as my status right now anyway...?


Hey, what do you expect?  I'm pre-coffee, and by that I mean that I've only had 6 oz. of this 20 oz. coffee that I expect will be into it's second go-round as I wash down 1 whole wheat bagel, 2 slices Kraft American cheese, two eggs fried in way too much pure canola oil, or as I like to call it; cooked Southern Style. 


Later on today I plan to consume 10.9 oz. crunchy Cheetos for lunch with a side dish of 32 oz. Coke Zero over 8 ice cubes.  Then for dinner I'll scrounge desperately for something sweet have 3 hot dogs, nuked well, 3 low-grade white bread buns that almost certainly have whatever the latest food no-no is in them, with liberal amounts of mustard, and for late snack, I'll remember there's some of the grade C Halloween candy left up in the kid's basket on the top shelf of the cabinet.

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