I don't drink anymore... as a pretty general and airtight rule... but I was due.
Oh so due.
Could I afford a case of Michelob?
A 12-pack of Bud Light?
A six-pack of Mickey's Big Mouths, for fuck's sake?
Guess again, chief.
I know I have enough left for something alcoholic, but what? So I go into the quickie-mart next to the laundromat determined to scope out my possibilities. It was hot as fuck and I wasn't buyin anything till the laundry was done, and I could take it straight home and get as plastered as I was capable of getting.
I happen to have a friend that's a chef, so I texted him after narrowing it down to two choices and asked him:
Magnum or Old English?
I know they're both swill, but I was down to $2.25 in laundry quarters and I wanted the most bang for my buck.
Hey, if you hear a noise in your car and you happen to be friends with a mechanic, you pull into his or her driveway while he or she is outside... hoping the mechanic in them will take pity on the friend you are and tell ya to pop the hood.
So when ya gotta pick one ghetto 40 over another and ya don't have money to waste getting your buzz, ya tap into your vast array of lushes or chef friends and ask the question.
Old English won.
It really wasn't as bad as I expected.
As I sucked down three ice-cold coffee mugs *bowls* in very rapid succession...
I'm too white to drink it straight outta the bottle without a friend to pass it to on the porch, ya know?
Note to fellow non-drinkers in need of a little lush time; keeping the 40 in the freezer between glasses both keeps it deliciously cold, and also allows you to gauge your drunkeness as you go back for refills. If you ever go back for a refill and the beer is frozen or you can't find the kitchen, it's time to stop.
Yeap, got schnnockered in no time.
Even passed out and got a full night of much needed sleep.
Best $2.04 I ever spent.