LMFAO Friday ~ I Could Have Lost An Eye Edition

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So yesterday, the water was being all temperamental and it kept going out on me while I was trying to wash dishes. Even the well doesn't want me to wash dishes. So we had to keep messing with the points to get the water to come back on... and when I say we, I mean, I went to the edge of the back porch and shouted, "water's off again" to hubby who would go fix it.

Until the last time, when hubby was mowing the lawn so he sent Sam over to fix it.

The well doesn't like Sam.

No wait, the well doesn't like Hubby. Sam it LOVES.

I found out we were having water pressure issues when I went to use the bathroom that I had scrubbed and flushed the toilet in about 15 minutes earlier, only to come down the hall and found I had to swim into the bathroom where the water was shooting out of the top of the tank in order to shut off the water valve and use the rest of the clean towels along with the freshly swapped towels in the dryer to sop up Lake Toiletwater from Potty Tank Geyser.

So when hubby comes in from mowing I tell him about my interior rowboat needs, and that he now needs to fix the toilet. Hubby, being the mechanical type that he is, first briefly re-soaks the bathroom and then goes out and checks the water pressure with a gauge. Yeah.

145 pounds of pressure and a quick walk over to the landlord's later...

Basically, if I'd put my head in the sink and turned on the faucet I could have lost an eye. And making pasta for dinner became a test of patience when I had to use Brita-filter water to fill the cooking pot because all the pressure, aside from almost busting holes in the water lines, loosened all the silt and nasty shit on the inside of the pipes and I was not cooking pasta in third-world water.

Do y'all have any fucking idea how small a Brita pitcher is? Seriously. A camel could die waiting for a refill.

Anyway, the water pressure still isn't right. Apparently, the problem decided to wait until almost dark to happen, so it will get worked on today.

I hope.

In the mean time, since hubby removed the restriction plate in the shower head eons ago, I have no need of a loofah. In fact, if I had gone paint-balling I could have sand blasted myself clean in the shower...

or degreased an engine.

Happy weekend y'all LMFAO Friday officially begins now.

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You don't think they'll notice, do you Jack?




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I'm thinking that editor is like 3 days away from his two week vacation.




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And y'all thought the zombie thing was a joke.




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OK, the human goes to bed around 10. That's when we get our revenge...




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What.
The.
Hell.




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...as opposed to taking off and landing...?!?




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This is the picture that got the American auto makers the bailout.




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Our tax dollars at work.




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Vegas is still working out the kinks in it's 'family' personna.




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And another life-long therapy goer is born.




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Ooooohhhhhh! Oooohhhhhh! Mr. Kotter! I can spot the terrorist!




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Those southerners; so polite.




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That's when you know; you are karma's bitch.




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I told you facebook quizzes were written for zombies.




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...or you will be on the next episode of Law & Order SVU.

LMFAO Friday ~ Rememberance Edition

It was a year ago this weekend that one of my favorite people on the entire planet died. My grandmother. Missing her still makes me cry more than I'd like to admit to. She was, quietly, and without fanfare, my rock. The only one with the same address, phone number and calm disposition for all the years I was lucky enough to have her in my life.

Gran, while you were too much of a lady to all-out belly laugh, nor do I ever recall you telling a joke, you gave enough smiles to enough people to have this LMFAO Friday be just for you... OK, and for you too, since you're here :-)

But because my grandmother was never the kind of person to point out someone's faults, but to emphasize their good qualities, this week, in her honor, it's all about the WINS.

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ps. It won't make the person you take home any more attractive in the morning either.




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Oh, it's there Mrs. Jones. That'll be $1.29 please.




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Did I call it, or did I call it?




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Hands down, this qualifies as my favorite Christmas lights display EVER!




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Hey! How'd a smart guy wind up in marketing?




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Oh Austin, behave!




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And cheaper too!




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And that is what we in the legal profession like to call, "a plain and simple Cover Your Ass."




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Can't you just hear the 'who's on first' routine?



And just one FAIL because... well... you'll see...




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That's a 'how to' every girl needs!

LMFAO Friday ~ Happy Birthday Josie Edition

Well, it's that time of year again... no, not Halloween, not daylight savings time, not official kickoff to the holiday season; it is, in fact, my daughter's birthday. Her ELEVENTH birthday to be exact. This is the part where I take a quick break to check for deepening crow's feet and notice that the number of grey's in my dirty-blond hair have grown exponentially... again. But enough about my being forced to admit my rapidly aging status and focus on my girl's rapidly aging status. 11 years old, 6th grade, talented and gifted program, still so beautiful and thoughtful and incredibly awesome that I'm still over here wondering how in the heck the universe decided that I was worthy of bringing her into the world. I love you Pea.



And for the rest of you who don't have a daughter named Josie with a birthday today, I'll say Happy LMFAO Friday and a great Halloween weekend to you; also, don't be a bonehead like me and remember to turn your clocks back sometime after 2 am on Sunday.

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We all know this picture was taken in a government building, right?




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The stock boy may have had some time left to his court-ordered anger management classes.




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I had to put Bessie up front, she's the one that knew where we were going.




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That'll stop 'em! (in Fantasy Land)




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I could insert any blond joke here, but I looked it up, and Blondie there is the class Valedictorian. Yeah.




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He's gotta have a foot long beard and two oxen (and a computer... Whoopsie!)




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That's a Texan nursery right there!




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I think the person who placed the ads may have been smoking the carnations.




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Whuutt?!?




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Tim didn't have to guess where the 'massage parlor' was.




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That's the computerized version of: "Buhwahahahahah!!! You want WHAT? Psht, Yeah, Skippy, THAT'LL happen! Not!"




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OMG Dude! Joey's going for the record! Chug! Chug! Chug!




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Replace the Jaden with Josie... even if there is a giant brown dildo on the cake.

LMFAO Friday ~ A Week Until Halloween Edition

Well, well, well, it is Friday again, isn't it? Pull up a coffee and a seat and welcome to the weekend, y'all ~ Happy LMFAO Friday!

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Rednecks take over the waterways...




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Yay! Grandpa kicked off!




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Well, you don't expect them to show a bunch of drunken, freshly-brawled guys in a pub do you?




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Holy Hell! This is so wrong on so many levels that I am actually speechless.




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Were they trying to get more male clientele?!?




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Whoopsie!




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Didn't this used to be called flashing? Just sayin'.




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Due to recent budget restrictions, some towns are looking at using power lines as highway dividers to save money.




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Oh great, now you know Microsoft is going to take this idea and institute it immediately.




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Within minutes of posting this picture on her profile, Ashley's facebook friend requests hit an all time high.




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The Dirt Merchant Association named this year's winner.




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The new 'official song' of the porn industry.




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Oh look, my next husband. I do love a man with crazy eyes!




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Little Timmy's parents claimed he was suicidal...




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Go Team!




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Hey Bob, can you turn on the heat?